NARRATOR: Previously on Everwood...
[Cut to brief clips of various scenes from "Pilot" and "Friendly Fire".]
Amy asking Ephram if he wants to go to a friend's birthday party with her. (from "Friendly Fire")
AMY: [to Ephram] My friend Kayla's having a birthday party. You wanna go?
EPHRAM: Yeah, OK. Sure. Yeah, I-I'll go.
Outside Dr. Brown's office, Dr. Abbott finds out that Edna, his mother, is working for Dr. Brown. (from "Pilot")
DR. ABBOTT: [to Edna] You have done some ludicrous, asinine things in your lifetime, but working for this man? Oh, that takes the cake... Mother!
EDNA: Move it or lose it, Junior!
At Everwood Elementary, Delia snatches Magilla's necklace from his neck and he spins around. (from "Friendly Fire")
MAGILLA: Do you have a death wish?
DELIA: No, but I have a new choker.
MAGILLA: Give it back.
DELIA: I will! After you return what's mine. You need a friend just as much as I do, Magilla.
In Dr. Brown's office, Edna talks about her son, Dr. Abbott, to Dr. Brown. (from "Pilot")
EDNA: His pops died two years ago. I got re-hitched not long thereafter. And Junior thought it was affecting his business, not to mention he was never too crazy about the new beau.
Edna rushes out to meet Irv. The two kiss. (from "Pilot")
DR. BROWN: How long after did you remarry?
EDNA: [off-screen] Two months.
At the Brown home, on Ephram's first day at County High, Dr. Brown offers to drive him to school. (from "Pilot")
DR. BROWN: [to Ephram] Come on, let's get you to school.
EPHRAM: I'm riding my bike.
DR. BROWN: Why? I can drive you.
EPHRAM: I appreciate the offer but, it's about ten years too late.
[He leaves, leaving Dr. Brown looking burned.]
{END OF "PREVIOUSLY ON EVERWOOD"}
{TEASER}
[Open on photographs of Everwood throughout the years: The train depot. An old Ford. The local bank. Sinclair Pump and Engine.]
NARRATOR: It may not seem so at first glance, but a lot changes in small towns. Take for instance Everwood's first local bank. It burned down in '66. And they never rebuilt it. Everwood's first gas station was Sinclair Pump and Engine. We have a Mobil now... and you pump your own gas. And of course you all know what happened to the Train Depot. Which brings me to this bridge.
[Cut to an old photograph of the kissing bridge.]
NARRATOR: Legend has it, the bridge was built by a young man and woman who lived on opposite sides of the river.
[The photographs fades into what the bridge looks like today.]
NARRATOR: The two fell in love and constructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss.
[The camera reveals a young guy riding his bike along the edge of the river toward the bridge.]
NARRATOR: From that day on it was known, appropriately enough, as "The Kissing Bridge". Now, if people had just stuck to kissing, Dr. Brown may have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis. But I-I'm getting ahead of myself. The point is, Everwood's gone through a whole lot of changes both inside and out. But the Kissing Bridge has stood the test of time. Evidence, I guess, that some things are built to last...
[The boy on the bike goes over the bridge and gets about half way over when the boards underneath him give way and he falls through the bridge into the water.]
NARRATOR: ...and some things, aren't.
{END OF TEASER / OPENING CREDITS / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT ONE}
[Cut to the Brown Family Clinic. Dr. Brown is treating the boy who fell through the bridge. The kid has his arm bandaged up.]
DR. BROWN: How's that feel Joe?
JOE: You're not supposed to fall through a bridge.
DR. BROWN: At one point is a design flaw in the structure, yes. But you lucked out.
JOE: I fractured my arm in three places, if I was any luckier, I'd be dead.
DR. BROWN: Hey, it was just your arm. I once treated a man who fell through his own floor. It was a three-story brownstone in Greenwich Village. The wood was rotten and he crashed right through. That guy broke both his arms and suffered multiple cranial contusions. Make you feel any better?
JOE: Much.
[Edna knocks on the door.]
EDNA: Sorry to interrupt, but the Clarks are waiting for you in the next room.
DR. BROWN: Thanks Edna. [to Joe] Avoid using that arm for the next couple of days and ah, just to be safe, why don't you avoid using bridges as well.
JOE: Will do, Doc.
DR. BROWN: Atta boy.
[Joe leaves and Dr. Brown enters another examining room where the Clarks are waiting.]
DR. BROWN: How you feeling today, Susie?
SUSIE: Pretty good.
[Teenaged Susie is sitting with her mother. Both women seem in high spirits. Susie is sucking on a lollipop.]
MRS. CLARK: The antibiotics you prescribed really seem to be doing the trick.
DR. BROWN: Well... we may have jumped the gun on that prescription, Mrs. Clark, which is why I called you in. The lab reports on Susie's culture came back and it looks like she doesn't have strep-throat after all.
MRS. CLARK: So it's just a regular cold?
DR. BROWN: Not exactly. Ah, perhaps Susie and I should talk alone first and then um...
MRS. CLARK: Well, why would you want to do that?
SUSIE: Yeah, I don't care.
DR. BROWN: OK then. It looks like you may have contracted an STD, Susie.
MRS. CLARK: A what?
DR. BROWN: A sexually transmitted disease.
SUSIE: But, how is that possible? I've never even had sex. I'm, like, a total virgin.
DR. BROWN: Are you sure?
MRS. CLARK: Of course, she's sure. Good Lord, what kind of question is that?
DR. BROWN: Well, as her doctor, it's what I have to ask. I don't mean to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
MRS. CLARK: Well, I believe she answered your question. She's never had sex. She's a virgin.
DR. BROWN: Well, I-I hate to hint back, Mrs. Clark, but ah I still have a diagnosis which contends that your daughter has in fact engaged in some sort of sexual activity.
SUSIE: Well, I've never done anything that can get me pregnant. And, that's what sex is, right, Mom?
[Dr. Brown gives Mrs. Clark a look and she shoots one at her daughter. She snatches the lollipop out of Susie's mouth.]
[Cut to Mrs. Clark dragging Susie out of the clinic by the arm.]
DR. BROWN: Feel free to call me if you have any more questions.
EDNA: I never would've thought little Susie Clark had it in her. It's always the quiet ones.
DR. BROWN: That's the second girl I've seen this week and with the same misguided information. It's as if they've never even heard the term: safe sex.
EDNA: The most education these kids get about sex is how to spell it. Some of 'em can't even do that right.
DR. BROWN: Any idea what the schools are teaching?
EDNA: I'm not sure. But whatever they don't cover, HBO does. Fred Slauter's in the examining room. More bowel trouble.
DR. BROWN: Oh, joy.
[Edna cackles.]
[Cut to County High. Ephram and Wendell are walking down the hallway.]
WENDELL: [talking on his cellphone] Alrighty I'll have it around by two.
EPHRAM: Let me guess. Another one of your dealings in the student favor cartel.
WENDELL: That was my mom's mechanic. You'll find my reach extends far beyond our high school walls, Brown.
EPHRAM: Just out of curiosity, Wendell, when do you find time for things like... oh, I-I don't know, homework?
[Wendell stops, staring at his locker.]
WENDELL: An abundance of riches!
[Some of the lockers have wrapped branches stuck to them.]
EPHRAM: Why do you have pieces of nature hanging on your locker?
WENDELL: Are you aware of the Fall Dance that's coming up?
EPHRAM: I've seen some posters.
WENDELL: See, the Fall Dance is special in that it's one of the dances where the girls ask the boys and the way they ask, it's sort of a tradition around here. Once the girls have chosen an item, they tie a ribbon around it, sign their names to it, and place it on your locker as a way of formally inviting you. Check your lock.
EPHRAM: That's OK. I think I'll pass.
[He heads for his locker and perks up when he notices a branch stuck to it. He reads that it's from Amy and smiles.]
[Cut to Mama Joy's, the local diner.]
BRENDA: [entering, reading the paper] Well... it's official. They're tearing down the Kissing Bridge.
[She's talking loud enough for all the patrons to hear. Irv and Edna are also dining. The statement perks Edna's interest.]
BRENDA: Look, it even made the front page of the Pinecone.
EDNA: [snatching it] Let me see that!
BRENDA: They had to push Ms. Cartwright's wedding announcement to page 3, she's gonna be pitching a fit I can guarantee it.
EDNA: I'll be damned.
IRV: Are they really gonna tear it down?
EDNA: Bulldozers are coming in next week.
BRENDA: Well, I, for one, say it's about time. That thing has just been a safety hazard for years.
EDNA: Your mouth is a bigger safety hazard than that old bridge and nobody's torn you down... yet!
IRV: You'd think they'd at least try to fix it before they called in a wreaking crew.
EDNA: It's laziness is all. Bunch of sluggers run the world. People would rather destroy a historical monument than patch a damned hole!
IRV: Are you OK, honey?
[She storms out of the diner in a huff. Irv looks puzzled.]
BRENDA: I take it she had the chili again?
[Irv continues to stare into space.]
[Cut to the main street. Dr. Abbott is looking through boxes of apples at a fruit stand.]
DR. ABBOTT: Just as well I see you're trying to pawn off your Baldwins as Macoons again, Reginald.
[Dr. Brown pulls up behind him.]
DR. BROWN: Tell me that's not dessert.
DR. ABBOTT: The nightmare continues.
DR. BROWN: I have a modest proposal, Doctor.
DR. ABBOTT: You're donating your body to science to further the medical understanding of the North American Dimwit.
DR. BROWN: Close. I suggest, on occasion, we trade diagnoses of the local yokels.
DR. ABBOTT: For what purpose?
DR. BROWN: Oh, on the off chance we notice a pattern of sickness or disease developing in the community. Sound good? Great. I'll go first. Treated anyone for Gonorrhea of the throat lately? May have come in looking like Strep.
DR. ABBOTT: I'm familiar with Gonorrhea of the throat.
DR. BROWN: Not personally, I hope.
DR. ABBOTT: Listen here, Dr. Coco-Pops, if I treated anyone for anything, I wouldn't tell you about it. There's this little rule, it's called Doctor-Patient confidentiality. Perhaps you've heard of it.
DR. BROWN: Hypothetical. If a few cases of the same STD came into your office, what would you do?
DR. ABBOTT: Being a doctor, I suppose I would, oh, I don't know, treat them?
DR. BROWN: What if the patients didn't understand how they got the disease?
DR. ABBOTT: How could they not understand?
DR. BROWN: In their minds, a sexually transmitted disease can only be transmitted via sex. And in their minds, sex is...
DR. ABBOTT: [starting to get it] ...intercourse.
DR. BROWN: I wanna talk to the parents. Maybe figure out a way to talk to the kids too, about this.
DR. ABBOTT: About what?
DR. BROWN: About how to protect themselves. People in this town need to be educated about a few things.
DR. ABBOTT: The people in this town need to be educated about a lot of things, including how to parallel park. Luckily... I'm not here to teach them. Neither are you.
DR. BROWN: Isn't part of being a doctor, teaching people how to avoid getting sick? Especially young people?
DR. ABBOTT: Why are you so interested in this?
DR. BROWN: I have a son who goes to that school and so do you. Don't you want them to have all the information that we have?
DR. ABBOTT: So give it to him. Who's stopping you?
DR. BROWN: Well, what about the other kids?
DR. ABBOTT: Let their parents worry about them. Newsflash! You're not here to save the world, Dr. Brown... just to annoy it.
[Dr. Abbott walks into his practice. He says hi to a young man coughing in the waiting room. His nurse, a very timid woman, notices him.]
LOUISE: Hi, Dr. Abbott. Did you have a nice lunch?
[He hands his brown paper bag to her.]
DR. ABBOTT: [bluntly] No!
LOUISE: Oh. Ah, the Tompkins are in your office.
[She hands him the file but he doesn't accept it.]
DR. ABBOTT: That's the wrong file. Ah, Louise, call my tennis instructor. Tell him to take my 5 o'clock to 6 o'clock.
[She starts taking notes.]
DR. ABBOTT: Call Rose, tell her I'll be an hour late coming home and why is there no coffee in the coffee pot?
LOUISE: We ran out of coffee.
DR. ABBOTT: And you forgot where the market is?
[He walks into an examining room. Francine Tompkins and her mother are sharing a laugh.]
DR. ABBOTT: Well, Francine. Your culture came back [reading from the file] and as I suspected you... [staring at the file in disbelief] ...you do not have strep-throat.
[Cut to County High's library. Amy and her friends are sitting at one of the tables. Ephram approaches followed closely by Bright and his friends.]
AMY: Hey Ephram, what's up?
EPHRAM: [nervously] Ah nothing... I just wanted to ask you...
KAYLA: [noticing the pine cones] FYI, only the girls are supposed to give the pine cones.
EPHRAM: Yeah, I'm aware of that Kayla. [to Amy] Somebody left this for me on my locker.
AMY: Who?
[Ephram looks at her confused, then hears Bright and his friends giggling in the background. He realizes that he's been played again.]
EPHRAM: [under his breath] I don't know.
AMY: You didn't, you didn't think that I...
EPHRAM: No no no no no. I was just, just confirming.
[He heads out of the library but passes Bright and his friends.]
EPHRAM: I guess I underestimated you, dude. I thought you'd at least come up with a new way of messing with me.
BRIGHT: Oh, why bother dude. You keep falling for the same joke, man.
[He high fives one of his friends. Amy rushes out to catch Ephram and doesn't look pleased with Bright.]
[Cut to the hallway. Amy catches up with Ephram.]
AMY: I wanna apologize for my brother, I mean I-I know he's a jerk sometimes but...
EPHRAM: Try all the time.
AMY: If it makes you feel any better, Ephram, I didn't ask you to the dance 'cause I'm not going with anyone. I'm not even going myself.
EPHRAM: Fine. Whatever.
AMY: It would just be weird. Last year I asked Colin and...
EPHRAM: I said fine. I don't care. OK, I don't wanna hear about your stupid boyfriend every other minute. I get it, OK? I get it.
[He storms off leaving Amy depressed.]
{END OF ACT ONE/ COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT TWO}
[Cut to the Brown kitchen. Dr. Brown, stirring his drink, keeps staring at Ephram nervously, who is busying himself. Ephram notices.]
EPHRAM: What? What what is it? Are you moving us to Zimbabwe or something? What?
DR. BROWN: No no no, it's nothing like that. I was, I was just thinking about something. It, it's funny actually. Well, it's not so much funny ha ha as... you see, the thing is... I don't know whether or not you've ever had sex.
EPHRAM: And you never will.
[He walks out of the kitchen to avoid the conversation.]
DR. BROWN: OK then. Good talking to ya.
DELIA: [yelling in the background] My Penguin hat! DAAAD!!!
[Dr. Brown runs to the laundry.]
[Cut to Delia in the laundry fumbling with her hat.]
DR. BROWN: What's wrong?
DELIA: Look at my hat.
DR. BROWN: Looks clean to me.
DELIA: You did something wrong.
DR. BROWN: I put it in the washing machine like you asked me to.
DELIA: And then?
DR. BROWN: And then I put it in the dryer.
DELIA: Now we're getting somewhere!
DR. BROWN: I shouldn't have put it in the dryer?
DELIA: Mom always washed it in the dishwasher.
DR. BROWN: Well, you didn't tell me that last night.
DELIA: I didn't think it would come to this.
DR. BROWN: Why don't you just wear one of your other hats?
DELIA: I can't. This is the best one.
DR. BROWN: Says who?
DELIA: Never mind. I can make it fit.
[The telephone rings.]
DELIA: [exasperated] I need a pop-tart!
DR. BROWN: [answering the phone] Hello? Hello, Dr. Abbott. Finally taking me up on my car pooling offer? Sure. I can be there in twenty minutes. Alright.
[Cut to the City Council meeting. Rose Abbott is adjudicating. The council is set up on what looks like a long row of tables in a school hall.]
ROSE: As Mayor, I now adjourn this City Council meeting. We will now take a short recess to allow the school board to come into session.
[She bangs the gavel and the board begin getting up to leave. Rose remains, shuffling her papers. After less than a minute, people take their places on either side of her. She bangs the gavel again.]
ROSE: The school board is now in session.
[Cut to the two doctors entering the room. Irv walks up to Dr. Brown.]
IRV: You're lucky. The school board is a lot nicer than the City Council.
[The two doctors make their way to the podium opposite the board.]
ROSE: Good afternoon, Doctors. I must admit, I never thought I'd see the day when the two of you joined forces.
DR. ABBOTT: Dear, don't start.
DR. BROWN: Dear? Are you two...
DR. ABBOTT: ...wedded? Yes.
DR. BROWN: Is there anybody in this community who is not related to one another?
ROSE: I understand we have a nasty little STD floating around County High. Is that right?
DR. BROWN: That's right. And we're here today to try to prevent any more of it from spreading.
MALE: How you gonna do that? I mean are we talking vaccines?
DR. ABBOTT: There are no vaccines for gonorrhea.
DR. BROWN: Nor are there any for Chlamydia, Syphilis or HIV. What we can do is educate our children, which is the best preventative medicine I know of.
DR. ABBOTT: I have prepared a memo which both advises parents as to the situation at hand and advises them to talk to their children.
ROSE: I'll call the Superintendent. Have him take a look at it.
DR. BROWN: But we don't think that that memo's enough.
DR. ABBOTT: We don't?
DR. BROWN: No. We'd like you to talk to the Superintendent and ask him to change the high school curriculum.
FEMALE: The program that we have is approved and paid for by the Government of the United States.
DR. BROWN: Yes, I'm aware of the program. It teaches abstinence only. It's antiquated and it doesn't provide nearly enough information.
MALE: What are you suggesting, Doctor? We hand out condoms in homeroom?
DR. BROWN: That would be a good start.
[Various people giggle.]
MALE: This is not New York City, Doctor, nor is it California.
DR. ABBOTT: Well, what Dr. Brown means to say...
DR. BROWN: [interrupting] ...what I mean to say is that one in ten kids will have sex before the age of 13. One in four of those kids will get a sexually transmitted disease. Like it or not, our children are having sex. Now, we can either teach them how to be safe about it so they don't die or we can stay in our cocoons, wax poetic about the good old days and pretend it isn't happening.
MALE: Good. Then I say we go on. What's next?
DR. BROWN: Are you serious?
ROSE: We don't have the authority or the funding to change the current program, Dr. Brown. I'm sorry.
DR. ABBOTT: That's alright, we appreciate you taking this...
DR. BROWN: ...well then don't change it. In response to the epidemic, offer a privately funded assembly given by the two doctors of this community. We'll teach them a few basic preventative measures and answer any questions they might have.
DR. ABBOTT: We?
ROSE: An assembly. I like it.
DR. ABBOTT: We?
ROSE: The Super would have to approve, and the Principal. And I'm sure they'd get you to separate the boys and the girls.
DR. BROWN: That's fine. I'll take the girls, and your hubby here can take the boys.
DR. ABBOTT: Excuse me, do I have any say in this?
ROSE: And we'll issue a memo saying that any parents who don't want their children attending can keep them out of school.
DR. ABBOTT: Don't humor me, Rose!
[She bangs the gavel.]
ROSE: Next docket.
[The doctors begin to leave.]
DR. BROWN: Cool wife. She ever let you play with the gavel?
[Cut to a County High hallway. Amy, Kayla, and Page are walking down the hall. Amy looks preoccupied. Ephram is approaching from the other end.]
KAYLA: Did you see how Brett totally annihilated Beth Crowner yesterday? She tried to give him a pine cone?
[They pass each other. Amy stares at Ephram, hoping to get a response, but he completely ignores her. She stares back at him.]
[Cut to Everwood Elementary. Delia approaches Magilla, who is playing thumb war with another boy.]
MAGILLA: OK. [joins in with Bud] One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!
DELIA: Hi, Magilla.
BUD: [to Magilla] Stop. You're not allowed to move your wrist.
MAGILLA: Shut up, I'm not!
DELIA: Can I play next?
MAGILLA: No way!
DELIA: Why not?
MAGILLA: I'm not playing with some stupid girl. It's the thumb war championship game!
DELIA: So?
MAGILLA: So you probably suck your thumb.
DELIA: I do not!
MAGILLA: Get lost, Penguin.
DELIA: I thought you liked penguins.
MAGILLA: I never said that! Take a hike.
BUD: Yeah, take a hike!
[Delia looks sad and goes to sit by herself.]
MAGILLA: Yes, I won.
[Cut to outside Dr. Brown's office. Edna is working on her motorcycle. Irv approaches with some lunch.]
IRV: Hey. I brought you a chicken Parmesan. I thought you might be hungry.
EDNA: Hey watch it now; you're spilling tomato sauce all over my drill bits.
IRV: I'll just set it over here for you. Guess what. It looks like they may not be tearing down the kissing bridge, after all.
EDNA: And why wouldn't they tear it down?
IRV: Because I went down to the City Council meeting and asked them not to.
EDNA: Why in the world would you do a thing like that, has your brain gone AWOL?
IRV: Now, look here, woman. I don't know what you want from me.
EDNA: I don't want anything. I can't believe you'd go in to a City Council meeting. Who do you think you are?
IRV: Your husband. And the last time I checked, it was well within a husband's right to try to cheer up his grouch of a wife.
EDNA: In the first place, if I needed cheering up, I would rent Terminator like I always do. Second, I don't give a damn about that old bridge.
IRV: You certainly acted like you did the other day. A-and now you've busted out your tool kit. I know something's bugging you.
EDNA: You don't know diddlysquat!
[She grabs her jacket and leaves.]
IRV: Where you going now?
EDNA: To the video store!
[Cut to the Abbott home at night. The family is sitting at dinner.]
ROSE: Have you decided who you're asking to the fall dance this year, Amy?
[Bright giggles.]
AMY: It's not funny, Jackass.
DR. ABBOTT: Amy. Language.
BRIGHT: What is the big deal? It's not like you're gonna ask him anyways.
AMY: That's not the point, Bright. Besides, you don't know that for a fact.
BRIGHT: Oh, so you would've asked him? Well... you'd better thank me then 'cause I probably saved your entire reputation.
DR. ABBOTT: You would've asked who, what? What are we talking about?
AMY: Nothing. I'm not asking anybody to the dance, OK? Let's just change the subject.
ROSE: Sweetheart, Colin wouldn't want you to sit home alone...
AMY: Can we just drop it, please?
[They sit in silence for a moment.]
DR. ABBOTT: Well... Um, I have an announcement to make. Due to your mother's warped sense of humor, I'm going to be hosting a sex education assembly at your high school this week. I realize this may be a bit uncomfortable for the both of you, especially considering the highly sensitive subject matter, which is why I wanted to open it up to a family discussion. Any thoughts?
[Bright motions with his fork that his father is crazy.]
DR. ABBOTT: Amy?
AMY: Is this 'cause Susie Clark got a VD?
[Dr. Abbott just about chokes on his food.]
ROSE: How do you know about Susie Clark?
AMY: Everybody knows.
BRIGHT: I didn't know.
AMY: How could you not know? You dated her.
[Dr. Abbott chokes again.]
BRIGHT: That was a million years ago. That was back when Francie was still in the picture.
DR. ABBOTT: Francie? Francie who?
ROSE: [who is now patting her husband's back] Francine Tompkins. She's one of your patients. The-The one with the tattoo.
DR. ABBOTT: Oh.
AMY: Anyway, what's the big deal about gonorrhea? It's completely curable. Unlike the herp which never goes away. Right, Dad?
ROSE: I think your father will be covering all of this at the assembly. Now,... would anybody like dessert?
[They all stare at each other.]
[Cut to the Brown home. Dinnertime.]
DR. BROWN: I had no idea this would bother you so much.
EPHRAM: Well, now you know. So you can go back to the school board and tell them you've changed your mind.
DELIA: This bread is hurting my teeth.
DR. BROWN: I can't do that, Ephram. Besides, your mom always used to go to all the PTA meetings and she was a member of the school board. You never minded that.
EPHRAM: Mom used to make banana bread for the bake sales. She didn't front-line any of my sex assemblies.
DR. BROWN: Well, you've seen my cooking. I can't do bake sales.
EPHRAM: I'm serious.
DR. BROWN: Ephram, what is it you want from me?
EPHRAM: I want you not to do this. If you do, it's gonna make my life even more unbearable than it already is, which is, like not even humanly possible.
DR. BROWN: Well, if it's not even humanly possible for your life to get any worse, then what's the problem?
DELIA: Yeah, what's the problem?
EPHRAM: Shut up!
DR. BROWN: Look, Ephram I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic. It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
EPHRAM: You don't have to try. You do it pretty naturally.
DR. BROWN: What is it that I'm doing that's so terrible?
EPHRAM: Everyone in school is gonna be going around saying how Dr. Brown is a big sex expert and how his loser son can't even get a date to the stupid dance.
DR. BROWN: What dance? What are you talking about?
EPHRAM: Forget it.
DR. BROWN: Is that the reason you don't want me to come to your school? Because you wanna go to a dance? I'm confused.
EPHRAM: Why do I even need a reason? Why can't you just be a father instead of a doctor for once?
DR. BROWN: Ephram, when I was in neurosurgery, I could never help people before they got sick, I couldn't prevent their sickness. I can do that now.
EPHRAM: So, if you miss this assembly, kids all over town are gonna drop dead from having unsafe sex? Well, it's a good thing you're there for them, Dr. Brown. Maybe, one day, I'll find out what it's like for you to be here for me.
[He gets up and leaves.]
{END OF ACT TWO / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT THREE}
[Cut to the school yard at County High. Ephram is tying up his bike. Amy notices him from across the yard and heads for him.]
EPHRAM: Hey.
AMY: Are we back to greeting each other?
EPHRAM: I am, if you are.
AMY: I was never mad at you, Ephram.
EPHRAM: Well, you should've been. I said some pretty stupid things the other day. I'm sorry.
AMY: Why don't we stop with all the back and forth apologies and just assume we're both sorry forever?
EPHRAM: [relieved] Yeah, OK. Deal.
AMY: Can you believe our dads are coming to school today? Must be the end of the world or something.
EPHRAM: I know. It's bad enough I have to see him every morning and night. Afternoons are kinda my time off, you know?
AMY: I know what you mean. I kinda hate both my parents these days.
EPHRAM: Really? You seem like such a well adjusted family unit.
AMY: Sure, my father's O.C.D. and my brother's A.D.D. and my mother is just plain crazy.
EPHRAM: And what are you?
AMY: I'm tired. And this dance is just making me feel worse. My mom keeps bugging me about it, it's like, no one understands why this is hard for me. I just wanted to ask him, you know? Like last year. I just wanna feel normal again, just for one second. Instead of how I feel now.
EPHRAM: If that's what you wanna do, then you should do it.
AMY: What are you talking about?
EPHRAM: Ask Colin to the dance. He's three hours away from here, four by bus. If we wanna make it back by dinner, we're gonna have to leave now.
AMY: Ephram.
EPHRAM: I'm serious, Amy. I would give anything to be able to talk to my mom again. I-It wouldn't matter to me if she'd be able to answer, I'd just be happy to see her.
[Amy looks at him and nods.]
[Cut to the Brown Clinic. Edna is on the phone talking to a patient. She's very irritated.]
EDNA: Because he's not gonna to be here this afternoon, that's why! So, you can either reschedule or you can keep your appointment and let me treat you. I'd be happy to shove a tongue depressor right up your...
DR. BROWN: [entering] ...Hey, Edna!
EDNA: Oh. I'll call you back, Pearl.
[She hangs up the phone.]
DR. BROWN: Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?
EDNA: Nope. Why?
DR. BROWN: Because you're scaring the sick people away and we don't charge.
EDNA: Doc. I think I'm depressed!
DR. BROWN: I didn't think you got depressed.
EDNA: Well, the cat's out of the bag. Apparently, I got feelings. It's got to do with my first husband, Hal Senior. I've been thinking about him a lot lately.
DR. BROWN: Any particular reason why?
EDNA: The particulars aren't important. I just know I wanna stop thinking about him. Now, how do I do that?
DR. BROWN: It depends. How do you normally deal with grief?
EDNA: I served two tours in 'Nam.
DR. BROWN: Denial, then?
EDNA: Pretty much. So what do you do?
DR. BROWN: Let's see. I uproot my family, move them to the middle of nowhere and open up a free clinic. But hey, that's just me.
EDNA: Husbands aren't as easy to wrangle as kids, for one thing, they're heavier.
DR. BROWN: What does Irv think about all this?
EDNA: I haven't exactly told him.
DR. BROWN: Well, I think that's your first step. Oh, I hate to dispense advice and run, Edna, but I'm late for school. So hand me some condoms and wish me luck.
[Cut to Everwood Elementary. Delia's sitting eating her lunch alone. Magilla comes up and stands at the end of the table with his back to her.]
MAGILLA: My mom said you can come over tomorrow after school if you want.
[Delia looks around, wondering if he's talking to her. Magilla faces her.]
MAGILLA: Are your ears broken or something?
DELIA: I thought you didn't like me.
MAGILLA: Don't be dumb. I talk to you, don't I? So do you want to come over, or not?
DELIA: I guess so.
[Cut to County High. Both doctors pull up in their vehicles. They get out and Dr. Abbott pulls some visual aids out of the trunk.]
DR. BROWN: You brought visual aids?
DR. ABBOTT: Naturally. Didn't you?
DR. BROWN: I brought...
[He lets a condom strip unfold down.]
DR. BROWN: ...condoms.
DR. ABBOTT: Good luck, Doctor.
DR. BROWN: Don't forget: when you go over the symptoms of gonorrhea, talk slowly. Odds are there's at least one kid in your assembly who has it.
[Dr. Abbott shifts about uncomfortably.]
DR. ABBOTT: Thank you.
[They head inside.]
[Cut to the boys' assembly. Dr. Abbott walks in. Bright, who is sitting in the audience, looks uncomfortable.]
DR. ABBOTT: [to everyone] Hello. My name is Dr. Harold Abbott. Ah lets... let's start out with some basics.
[He shows up a medical diagram of the female genitallia. The boys wolf whistle and laugh. Dr. Abbott puts the diagram on its stand.]
DR. ABBOTT: Please note that my presence here today is in no way...
[Cut to the hospital in Denver where Colin is. Amy is sitting on a chair next to him. Ephram is sitting just outside the door.]
AMY: Kim Iron asked David Lee, which no one ever thought she'd have the nerve to do. I swear, ever since she got her braces off, she's like this totally different person. And he said yes, which was so cool. Oh, and the decorating committee's going all out this year. Ally's mom wants to turn the gym into a magical forest. I know it sounds bizarre but, Ally said her mom's practically a professional at this stuff so... should look amazing. I guess now the only thing that's missing is you and me, which is why I'm here. I know it's last minute and everything but...
[She pulls out her decorated pine cones.]
AMY: Will you go to the dance with me? [No response] You can say yes anytime, Colin. Just open your eyes and say yes. Just open your eyes, Colin, please.
[He remains motionless. Amy looks at him hopelessly.]
[Cut to the Brown house. Dr. Brown and Delia have just walked in.]
DR. BROWN: ...and the Question and Answer session went great. I have no idea who Dr. Drew is, but apparently, I kick his butt.
DELIA: [not interested] That's great, Dad.
DR. BROWN: You seem upset, Kiddo. Is something wrong?
DELIA: It's Magilla.
DR. BROWN: The bully? Is he bothering you again?
DELIA: Not exactly. You see, when it's just me and him, he's nice to me. But when other people are around, he says I'm diseased.
DR. BROWN: So, you like him?
DELIA: I sit behind him in Miss Violet's class. And sometimes, I just wanna put my hands on his shoulders.
[Dr. Brown looks uncomfortable.]
DR. BROWN: Um, maybe we should see if Nina's home.
DELIA: I don't understand. Why doesn't he want anyone to know that he invited me over? I wanna tell the whole world.
DR. BROWN: Well, you know, honey, boys and girls are are very different. Not just how they look on the outside, but how they work things out on the inside. For instance, when you wanna be friends with a boy, you might wanna bake him cookies.
DELIA: And touch his shoulders?
DR. BROWN: [very uncomfortable] Right. OK... but if a boy wants to be friends with you, he might punch you. As a sign of friendship.
DELIA: Really? 'Cause he did flick my cap.
DR. BROWN: [concerned] He did!?
[The phone rings. Dr. Brown gets up to answer it.]
DR. BROWN: Hello? He wasn't. All of his classes? No, no, I haven't.
[He covers the phone with his hand.]
DR. BROWN: Ephram! Ephram! [Back to the phone] Well... thank you, yes. No, I appreciate the call. Oh, I'll be sure to talk to him. Thank you.
[He hangs up the phone.]
DR. BROWN: [to himself] If he ever comes home.
[Cut to a diner in Denver. Ephram and Amy are having dinner. Amy is eating too fast, which Ephram notices.]
EPHRAM: Take it easy. You don't have to inhale it.
AMY: I'm so starving, I had no idea.
[She finishes her plate.]
AMY: Thank you for coming with me, Ephram.
EPHRAM: It's cool. I was pretty hungry too.
AMY: No, I meant for coming all the way out here. To Denver and the hospital and everything. It means a lot to me.
EPHRAM: Yeah, well, I didn't really wanna be in school today. What with my dad being porn king.
AMY: Was it this bad in New York?
EPHRAM: You mean was I this big a geek back home?
AMY: I didn't mean it like that.
EPHRAM: It's OK. I only went to one dance at my old school. The winter semi-formal. I asked Kathryn Adams to go. She wasn't the most popular girl in school, but she was the prettiest. She had this whole punk-Gwen Stefani look going on, which most girls in high school can't pull off but... she did. Anyway, my friends dared me to ask her. I did. And she actually said yes, which is like, total shock. The day of the dance, Kathryn calls. She's sick, she can't go. Now, of course, I can't tell my mom this because she's so excited for me and I don't want her to know what a loser her son is. So I get all dressed up in my suit, grab the corsage and leave like I'm gonna go pick up Kathryn. Except of course I don't. Instead, I go see Rush Hour 2, which, actually is a pretty decent movie.
AMY: I take it Kathryn wasn't really sick?
EPHRAM: Turns out she was. She had mono and was out for the rest of the semester.
AMY: See, you weren't geeky at all. Gwen Stefani was gonna take you.
[Amy stares up at the clock. It's going on ten past nine.]
AMY: Is that the right time? We missed our bus.
EPHRAM: Yeah? We'll catch the next one.
AMY: There is no next one.
EPHRAM: Well, that could be a problem.
[Cut back to the Browns. Dr. Brown is pacing up and down the living room floor. Delia is on the couch reading a book.]
DR. BROWN: You think I should call the police? Or, or do you think that's crazy? It's too soon to call the police, don't you think? How could he get lost? And why wasn't he at school? Did he get lost on his way to school?
DELIA: Dad! You've gotta get a grip!
[Someone knocks on the door.]
DR. BROWN: Wait here, Delia.
[He goes to answer the door, then pauses for a brief second. {Whether it is because he sees who's at the door or he thinks it might be police, bearing bad news, is not known so go with your own gut on this one.} Then, Dr. Brown opens the door to reveal Dr. Abbott.]
DR. ABBOTT: Wondering where your little 'hoodlum' is?
DR. BROWN: You know where Ephram is?
DR. ABBOTT: Grab your coat, we're going to Denver.
{END OF ACT THREE / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT FOUR}
[Cut to the doctors in Rose Abbott's car, heading for Denver.]
DR. BROWN: I wouldn't have pegged you for a vanilla guy. Lemon, maybe.
DR. ABBOTT: It's my wife's car.
DR. BROWN: Ah, that explains the My Best Friend's Wedding CD.
DR. ABBOTT: The CD is mine, I collect soundtracks. Don't... don't sing.
DR. BROWN: You know, I was thinking. We should ask the infected girls to offer a list of recent sexual partners, maybe cross-reference it.
DR. ABBOTT: Why?
DR. BROWN: 'Cause I don't think the assembly's gonna be enough. We should at least make a stab at figuring out who patient Zero is.
DR. ABBOTT: [nervous] I-I agree, however, now that the students are better informed, perhaps the infected teenager will come forward willingly. We should... give him a day or so to do the right thing.
DR. BROWN: Yeah, you're probably right.
[Dr. Abbott looks relieved.]
DR. BROWN: So, what are you gonna say to Amy?
DR. ABBOTT: I'm going to ground her, obviously.
DR. BROWN: Really? Ground her?
DR. ABBOTT: Aren't you going to 'ground' Ephram?
DR. BROWN: I haven't thought about it yet. I'm just so relieved that he's alright.
DR. ABBOTT: Well, for God's sake, don't tell 'him' that. If they knew we were concerned, they would eat us alive. Teenagers, they, they can smell weakness. They're like dogs.
DR. BROWN: I'm not gonna hide anything from Ephram. We're trying to build a relationship based on honesty and trust.
DR. ABBOTT: Really? How's that working out?
DR. BROWN: Well, it just takes time, that's all. We'll get there.
DR. ABBOTT: Listen. I know you wanna be your son's friend, but he doesn't need a friend right now, he needs a parent.
DR. BROWN: How do you know what he wants?
DR. ABBOTT: He's fifteen, he's testing you. You are failing the test.
DR. BROWN: What am I supposed to do?
DR. ABBOTT: He cut class, you punish him. Take away his phone privileges, don't allow him to... pierce anything for the next six months but do something. Be his father.
[Cut back to the diner in Denver. Amy looks out the window then returns to her table. Ephram is sitting down, unbothered.]
AMY: My dad is gonna kill me.
EPHRAM: I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you went.
AMY: That's not the way it works in my house.
EPHRAM: How does it work?
AMY: He yells, I apologize, there's a sentencing of some sort and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced.
EPHRAM: In my house it's more like: I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually someone gets tired.
AMY: Sounds good to me.
[The fathers walk into the diner. Dr. Abbott rushes straight for his daughter.]
DR. ABBOTT: [relieved] Amy!
AMY: Dad, I-I...
[They hug. Ephram walks toward his father. Dr. Brown waits for a hug but Ephram walks past him.]
EPHRAM: I'll wait in the car.
[Dr. Brown looks sad, then stares at how Dr. Abbott is handling the situation.]
DR. ABBOTT: Amy, why didn't you call sooner?
AMY: I'm so sorry I worried you, Dad.
[Dr. Brown walks out.]
DR. ABBOTT: As long as you're alright, that's all that matters.
[Cut to Mama Joy's in Everwood. Irv is sitting on his own, looking downtrodden. Edna enters.]
EDNA: You avoiding me?
IRV: Maybe.
[She sits down.]
EDNA: You were right about that bridge. I do have feelings about it. Truth is, I was proposed to on that bridge, and not by you.
IRV: I see.
EDNA: The whole thing just pissed me off. I thought I'd dealt with that stuff a long time ago, when now I'm thinking maybe I didn't because... this whole past week... well... I've been missing him, Irv. Maybe I should've told you from the get go but it just didn't feel right.
IRV: Why not?
EDNA: Because. You're not supposed to make me feel better about missing the husband I had before you. That's just... past backwards.
IRV: Edna, I love you. You wouldn't be you without Hal Senior. You wouldn't even be you without that nutter butter son of yours who, I happen to know, means the world to you.
[Edna gives an 'oh please' look.]
IRV: Now, I don't need you to pretend that you didn't have a life before me. I just need to be able to put my arms around you when you're sad. Even if you are sad over someone else.
EDNA: I guess you can do that.
IRV: OK. I guess I will then.
[She cuddles up to him and he kisses her on the cheek.]
[Cut to the Abbott household. Breakfastime. Dr. Abbott walks into Bright, who is sitting eating breakfast alone.]
DR. ABBOTT: Bright. Is there anything you want to talk to me about?
[Bright looks at him in disbelief for a moment.]
BRIGHT: I am so sorry, Dad. It's just a scratched bumper and it's not even my fault. I'm pulling out of this space and this lady comes flying in...
DR. ABBOTT: [interrupting him] ...No. Let, let me put it another way. Is there anything you need to be tested for? Medically?
BRIGHT: Can I get something from a scratched bumper?
DR. ABBOTT: Concerning the STD at your school.
BRIGHT: Alright. Dad, I'm gonna let you in on something that may blow your mind. Do you think you can handle it?
DR. ABBOTT: I doubt it, but try me.
BRIGHT: OK. Do you remember Elka, from The Real World. The Boston one?
DR. ABBOTT: I-I must have missed Boston.
BRIGHT: Well... Elka, was supremely hot. But, she never sealed the deal with her boyfriend because she had all these, like, religious beliefs.
DR. ABBOTT: A-ha.
BRIGHT: Well... I'm kind of like Elka. In that I'm very attractive but I haven't... you know, done anything. You know...
DR. ABBOTT: [realizes] Oh!
BRIGHT: So my reasons have less to do with religion, more to do with the fact that my girlfriends won't, which is why I'm sooo done with Freshmen. Anyway, I didn't want you worrying about me anymore. But, if you could keep this info between us, you know?
[Dr. Abbott nods, relieved for the news he's just heard.]
DR. ABBOTT: Well, son. This is the best talk we've ever had.
[He sits and contemplates it all, then realizes.]
DR. ABBOTT: You scratched the bumper!
[Bright quickly gets up and leaves.]
[Cut to Magilla's room. He and Delia are playing video games.]
MAGILLA: I'm bored. I've beat you like seven thousand times on this game.
DELIA: Yeah, I know. Not too fun for me, either.
MAGILLA: Wanna play something better?
DELIA: OK.
[He opens his wardrobe and goes for a large chest.]
MAGILLA: Help me push it out.
[Delia grabs one end of the chest and they pull it out into the room. Magilla opens it and Delia's eyes go wide. The chest is full of various dolls neatly placed.]
DELIA: [mesmerized] Which one do I get?
MAGILLA: I'll pick one for ya.
[He pulls one out and hands it to her.]
[Cut to the Brown house. Dr. Brown is sitting on a chair next to the fire. Ephram walks in.]
EPHRAM: I'm sorry I worried you last night.
DR. BROWN: What makes you think I was worried?
[Dr. Brown remains silent for a moment.]
DR. BROWN: OK, I was worried.
EPHRAM: I'm sorry. I'll call you next time.
DR. BROWN: There won't be a next time. You're grounded for the next two weeks, that means no TV, no phone, no going out.
EPHRAM: Is that all?
DR. BROWN: If I ever hear that you cut class again? It'll be for a month. Understand?
EPHRAM: Yeah. Understood.
DR. BROWN: Good. So... you missed the assembly.
EPHRAM: Look, I already know about safe sex. OK? Mom covered it with me.
DR. BROWN: Maybe she did, but I haven't.
[Dr. Brown motions for the seat next to him. Ephram sits down.]
DR. BROWN: (CONT'D) When I was first working in New York, I had to perform a lumbar puncture, it's basically a spinal tap, on this kid who'd been brought in. Couldn't have been more than 17 years old. Good looking, clean cut, well to do family. His name was Alfie. I remember that because it was so unusual. Anyway, I did the LP, assessed that there was no meningitis and went about my rounds. But I couldn't stop thinking about Alfie all night. I found out later that the doctors were performing all sort of tests. A couple of days later, I went back to Alfie's room just to check him out. Thinking maybe I could figure out what he had. But Alfie was already dead. 17 years old. Six months and thousands of Alfies later, his sickness finally got a name.
EPHRAM: AIDS.
DR. BROWN: I needed you to know why I had to come to your school, Ephram. I needed you to hear that story because I want you always to be careful. I can't afford to lose another person I love.
EPHRAM: Why didn't you tell me that before?
DR. BROWN: I have no idea how to get your attention, Ephram.
EPHRAM: What's that supposed to mean?
DR. BROWN: It means, I don't know what to say to you. One day you you seem to hate me. The next day you still hate me and other days you just... hate me. I mean, that's that's not a lot to work with. So if you could maybe let me know when I do say the right thing, I'll make a note of it, and and I'll do it more often, OK?
EPHRAM: Yeah. Sure, I mean I-I can maybe do that.
DR. BROWN: Great. Thanks.
DR. BROWN: You're still grounded.
EPHRAM: I know.
[Ephram stares at his father for a while.]
[Cut to the forest during the day. Edna is dragging her son through the bush.]
DR. ABBOTT: Did I mention I only had three hours of sleep last night?
EDNA: About a hundred times now! I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there.
DR. ABBOTT: Almost where? We're in the middle of Forest Oblivion. If I didn't know you better, Mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought...
[He tries to get away but Edna grabs hold of him.]
EDNA: Come on!
[They reach the clearing.]
EDNA: You see that?
DR. ABBOTT: The Kissing Bridge! Yes, of course I see it. Mother, why in the world...
EDNA: Your pops and I shared our first kiss on that bridge. He proposed to me on that bridge. And the day I found out I was pregnant with you, I took him down here and told him. I know you think I got on with things too quick after he was gone, I probably did, but your father's death, Harold, is what made me realize, more than ever, just how valuable our one shot at life is. And I didn't want to miss a second more of it. Anyway, I loved him very much! I wanted you to know that.
[She pulls out a detonator sitting on a branch and turns the trigger, blowing up the bridge.]
DR. ABBOTT: WHAT!? WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!
EDNA: Grieving.
[He gives a satisfied and genuine smile at his mother.]
NARRATOR: That evening was the last time anyone saw the kissing bridge in its full glory. And even though Everwood's symbol of innocence is no longer with it, people still tell its story. To their children...
[The camera is behind Edna and her son. She has her hand on Dr. Abbott's arm for support. They look at each other.]
NARRATOR: ...and the grandchildren. Only now when they do, the ending is a lot more exciting.
[Fade to black.]
{END OF ACT FOUR}
THE END
Selon une ancienne tradition, le pont du baiser aurait été construit par un homme et une femme qui habitaient chacun d'un côté de la rive et qui une fois tombés amoureux l'un de l'autre auraient décidé de construire ce pont sur lequel ils auraient échangé leur premier baiser. 
