Amy Abott a décidé de partir de chez elle pour vivre chez ses grands-parents suite au comportement de son père vis à vis de son petit amis lors du repas de Thanksgiving. Ce départ crée une forte tension au sein de la famille à un tel point qu’une réunion est organisée avec tous les membres de la famille. 
[Cut to brief clips of various scenes from "Unhappy Holidays".]
Dr. H. Abbott talking to Tommy in front of the rest of Amy's family at Thanksgiving dinner.
DR. H. ABBOTT: I notice, you're, uh, not with your family today. Did they, uh, kick you out for some reason?
AMY: Dad!
Dr. Brown and Dr. L. Abbott's conversation at Uncle Bink's Christmas Tree Lot.
DR. L. ABBOTT: I am interested.
[She starts to chuckle as snow begins to fall.]
DR. L. ABBOTT: It's starting to snow.
[Dr. Brown kisses Dr. L. Abbott and we cut down to show Delia is watching.]
Ephram telling Dr. Brown that he's still seeing Madison in their living room.
EPHRAM: I saw Madison tonight. I'm gonna keep seeing her and there's nothing you can do to stop me.
DR. BROWN: I'm not going to try.
[Ephram's shocked at his father's calmness.]
Dr. Brown telling Madison to be careful.
DR. BROWN: I know Ephram thinks he's a man and I know you see him that way. But his heart is wide open. Be careful with it.
Amy's monologue about hating her life while letting down tears. Dr. H. Abbott tries to pretend it isn't happening.
AMY: I hate everything about my entire stupid little life. So you can ground me, Dad, and you can do whatever you want because honestly, I wish I was dead.
[Rose looks shocked.]
Amy's gone. Her family (Rose, Dr. H. Abbott, Dr. L. Abbott, Bright, Carol, and Herbert) has gathered to talk to Sheriff Roger Murphy.
SHERIFF MURPHY: Let's put out an all-points on Amy Abbott. 10-36 amber.
DR. H. ABBOTT: What's that mean?
SHERIFF MURPHY: Missing child.
{END OF PREVIOUSLY'S}
{TEASER}
[Open in the Abbott living room. Rose hands a family photo of her, a grumpy Amy, Bright, and Dr. H. Abbott to a FBI agent. Other agents are about the place.]
ROSE: Well, this was the most recent one that I could find.
FBI AGENT: OK. Thanks.
[Dr. H. Abbott walks across to the couch. FBI Agent walks to Sheriff Roger Murphy as another agent (female) hands some legal pads of paper and pens to Dr. L. Abbott and Bright. Then she hands the same materials to Dr. H. Abbott presumably.]
FBI AGENT: Sheriff, let's crop her out. Get her photo out on the wire to Boulder.
SHERIFF MURPHY: You got it.
[During the next line, a third agent gives Rose back the photo frame.]
FBI AGENT: Alright listen, I know you're worried about your daughter but we're going to do everything we can do to find her. The first 24 hours are critical so we're going to need to work together. Now I'm gonna give each of you jobs, OK? [beat]
FBI AGENT: (CONT'D) [to Dr. H. Abbott] Now, Dad, I need a full written description.
[Dr. H. Abbott begins writing.]
FBI AGENT: What she was wearing, hair, eyes, uh, any scars or birthmarks, everything that you can think of. [to Bright] Are you the brother?
BRIGHT: Yeah.
FBI AGENT: Alright, make a list. Friends, family, teachers, everybody that she knows or might have come into contact with. Give me names, addresses, phone numbers, anything you can think of.
ANOTHER FBI AGENT: Sheriff check her computer?
DR. H. ABBOTT: [pointing up with the pen in his hand] Yeah, upstairs in her bedroom.
FBI AGENT: Mom, you're the point person for the telephone. I need you ready in case she calls. Alright, now Agent Price has an ID caller box and he's going to tell you everything, alright?
[Rose begins to go off with Agent Price.]
ROSE: OK.
FBI AGENT: Alright, let's get to work, folks.
[As Irv's narration starts, Dr. L. Abbott goes up to the primary FBI Agent and Bright is doing his job.]
NARRATOR: When the pressure's on, it's often the times of crisis that brings a family together.
DR. L. ABBOTT: Excuse me. I'm her aunt. Is there something that I can be doing?
FBI AGENT: Well, you're the doctor.
DR. L. ABBOTT: Hmmhmm.
FBI AGENT: Good, good. We need her records. Medical, dental, especially x-rays. Now we're gonna get DNA from her toothbrush but the lab's in Denver so we're going to need those records...
[During the next part of his line, we can see the front door open and Edna enter the house.]
FBI AGENT: (CONT'D) ...as soon as we can get them. Can you do that?
DR. L. ABBOTT: Uh, I can try.
[Dr. H. Abbott spots his mom and when they begin talking, everyone starts moving into the foyer.]
DR. H. ABBOTT: Mother.
EDNA: What's going on?
ROSE: [with Agent Price behind her] Amy's gone. She disappeared last night.
EDNA: Oh no.
DR. L. ABBOTT: It's a nightmare, I know.
EDNA: No, I mean this is all a big mistake.
DR. H. ABBOTT: What is? What are you talking about?
EDNA: Amy's at my house, 4-0 and squared away. Having pancakes with Harper.
ROSE: Well, where did you find her? When?
EDNA: She spent the night.
[Everyone's shocked. As Irv's narration begins again, we pan around, seeing everyone's reaction to Edna's seemingly simple four-word sentence.]
NARRATOR: Pressure also has a way of exposing our fault lines, bringing to the surface things that might better have stayed buried deep below. Once they're out though, they're awful hard to put back.
FBI AGENT: All units, Code Four. Subject has been located.
[End panning on Edna's shocked face. Fade out.]
{END OF TEASER / OPENING CREDITS / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT ONE}
[Open in the Brown home. Madison and Ephram are on the couch watching a movie. Ephram attempts to kiss her.]
MADISON: Stop...I thought we were watching a movie.
EPHRAM: It's on, isn't it?
MADISON: So in your world, wanna come over and watch a movie really means?
EPHRAM: Do you wanna come over and make out?
MADISON: Yeah. (laughing)
EPHRAM: And for the record, it's not just my world, it's like "the law" of the universe?
[Madison and Ephram kiss. Madison breaks it up.]
MADISON: We're not allowed to in the house.
EPHRAM: Well, do I look like a man who follows rules? I laugh in the face of danger. I bend to nothing...
[Dr. Brown and Delia walk in the house.]
EPHRAM: We were just watching a movie.
DELIA: [yelling] You are a liar.
DR. BROWN: Delia, I'm sorry. How many times can I apologize to you?
DELIA: I found ... I don't care. You promised.
DR. BROWN: Honey, it was an accident. I didn't mean for it to ...
DELIA: It was an accident? You kissed her on the lips for like 10 seconds.
MADISON: Hey. What's going on?
DELIA: He kissed Linda. On purpose.
DR. BROWN: Sweetie, listen to me. I swear I didn't mean for it to happen. It just...
DELIA: You promised. You promised and you did it anyway. Which makes you a liar.
DR. BROWN: Delia?
[Delia walks out of the room.]
MADISON: I'll talk to her.
[Madison follows after Delia.]
EPHRAM: So I take it you kissed Linda.
DR. BROWN: Oh, that's funny.
EPHRAM: What'd she mean you promised?
DR. BROWN: Does it really matter?
[Ephram looks at him.]
DR. BROWN: (CONT'D) OK. Look, it turns out you were right after all. Delia was upset about me and Linda.
EPHRAM: That was like 3 months ago. You catch on quick.
DR. BROWN: So I talked to her and I explained to her that I might be interested in another woman some day. Romantically. And she said that was fine. So long as it wasn't Linda.
EPHRAM: Let me get this straight. The night that you went up to punish Delia for dropping the "s" bomb, you ended up promising her that you wouldn't date Linda Abbott?
DR. BROWN: She's very persuasive.
EPHRAM: And you know, what are you? What are you going to do? Are you going to date her? Or?
DR. BROWN: I don't know. I want to. But Delia's so upset.
EPHRAM: I wonder why?
DR. BROWN: I took her to breakfast afterwards. She didn't talk for a whole hour. Then, she comes in here and she just unloads on me.
EPHRAM: Well, she's 10. Buy her a Barbie doll. She'll forget about the whole thing.
DR. BROWN: I am not going to bribe your sister.
EPHRAM: So, what are you going to do?
DR. BROWN: I may not have to do anything. After Delia's tantrum at the tree lot this morning, I doubt Linda Abbott wants anything to do with me.
EPHRAM: Well, great. Problem solved.
[Cut to the Abbott house. Edna is there with her son and daughter-in-law.]
DR. H. ABBOTT: This is unbelievable.
EDNA: She showed up at my door. What was I suppose to do?
DR. H. ABBOTT: Oh, how about a phone call? That thought ever enter your mind?
EDNA: It was late. I figured you were already asleep. If I had called, you would have just rushed over and things would have gotten worse.
DR. H. ABBOTT: That is not a decision you get to make.
EDNA: She was scared, Junior. She didn't want to see you. Everybody was so angry. I thought we could all use a cooling off period. I knew she was safe. My plan was to get over here first thing and try to help work it out. How could I know?
DR. H. ABBOTT: How could you not know? What kind of person does this? Do you realize that we thought our daughter might be dead? And then to find out, you took her?
EDNA: I didn't take her. She came to me. I didn't ask to get involved. Look, I'm sorry. What more can I say? I never thought this would happen.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Of course not. You never think of anyone or anything but yourself.
EDNA: Listen, she wants to talk to you both. She asked me to tell you that. If you could come over later today, I'm sure we can all work this thing out.
ROSE: Work it out. I don't believe this.
EDNA: Rose.
ROSE: Don't. I am not going to sit here and be insulted. Not in my own home.
DR. H. ABBOTT: You didn't want to get involved, Mother. Well, guess what. You are now.
[Cut to Dr. Brown's office. He is meeting with a female patient in her thirties, I'd say.]
DR. BROWN: Where are you in your cycle count?
HELEN: Day 12. I have been doing the lipron shots at home, but blood tests and the ultrasounds are killing me. Clinic's in Boulder. Said if I could find someone locally, the lab would take the results over the phone.
DR. BROWN: I think we should be able to save you a few trips. Are you, uh?
HELEN: Um, using my husband's sperm.
DR. BROWN: Oh, great. Because you know the uh, the invitro process can be very stressful. It'd be great to have him for support.
HELEN: Actually, my husband's dead.
DR. BROWN: Oh?
HELEN: Three years ago he got testicular cancer. He was only 35, so it wasn't exactly on our radar. The doctors recommended that we save some sperm before he started chemo, just in case. Six months later, works were getting. Nothings working, tumors are everywhere. Ted calls me in and says that know matter what happens he wants me to have the baby. He made me promise.
DR. BROWN: I'm sorry.
HELEN: Been wanting to do it for a long time. I've just waiting to get to the right place. Emotionally. Financially. I think I'm finally ready to keep up my end of the bargain. I know this makes some people feel uncomfortable.
DR. BROWN: Oh, no, no, not at all. It's just that I've been there. I'm a widower myself with two kids.
HELEN: Really? How old?
DR. BROWN: 16 and 10. It's a lot of work, especially if you're alone, but, uh, it's worth it. I'm just happy I can help you. [calling out] Edna?
[Edna comes in.]
EDNA: Again with the yelling.
DR. BROWN: Could you set up the ultrasound for Mrs. McGinn? We are going to measure some follicles.
HELEN: [matter of factly] I'm having a baby with my dead husband's frozen sperm.
EDNA: Right. We'll probably have to check the Medicare code on that one.
[Cut to Edna and Irv's house.]
AMY: I know I've made a lot of mistakes and for that I'm sorry. The thing is I'm doing better, it may not look like it, but I am. I've been sleeping more. I've been catching up in school. I finally feel like I'm waking up and I thought about it and it all started when I met Tommy.
DR. H. ABBOTT: That's ridiculous.
AMY: Just hear me out. Please. He's not a bad person. I know what you heard. But if you would take the time to get to know him, I think that you would realize that none of it's true. But the way you treated him at dinner, Dad, it was humiliating. If you were that worried about it, you could have talk to me in private, but to bring it up in front of the whole family, not to mention him.
DR. H. ABBOTT: I won't apologize for wanting to know about the boy that you choose to bring into my home.
AMY: OK, I don't want it to be like this. I don't want to fight all the time.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Neither do we.
AMY: I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. Um, I wish I could take them back, but I can't so all I can do now is hope that you can forgive me.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Well, the entire episode was a disaster. We all wish that it hadn't happened. I can see where perhaps I may have overreacted. Now that we have all had time...
ROSE: Do you even know what you've done?
DR. H. ABBOTT: Rose?
ROSE: I don't think she does. Amy, we had FBI agents at our house. We actually had to consider the possibility that you took your own life. Do you have any idea what that is like for a parent?
AMY: Mom, I said I was sorry.
ROSE: No, you didn't. Not for lying to us when you said you were at Laynie's. Not for stealing from your aunt.
AMY: I talked to her about that.
ROSE: And you have the gall to sit there and say we embarrassed you. How do you think we felt telling Grandma and Pop Pop you couldn't come and say goodbye because you ran off in the middle of the night. You are the embarrassment, Amy. Your attitude, your behavior. And now you summon us over here, like we've been granted some kind of audience with the Pope, because you dame to talk to us. This is way past self-indulges.
AMY: See, I can't talk to them.
ROSE: You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one.
DR. H. ABBOTT: The important thing now is that she comes home.
ROSE: No, what's important is that she takes responsibility for her actions.
EDNA: Rose, I think that's what she is trying to do.
ROSE: Don't you dare talk to me. For 25 years I've sat back and watched you treat Harold with disrespect, I never said anything. But this is different. This is our daughter. You want to come home. Fine. The rules are the same. No car, no telephone, no dating that boy.
AMY: This is so unfair.
ROSE: Too bad. I am tired of giving you the benefit of every doubt. You lost the right to that a long time ago.
AMY: I'm not a kid anymore, Mom. I can make my own decisions.
ROSE: That's right. You heard what I said. Now you can decide. Come home and live by our rules or stay here, it's your choice. ... Come on, Harold. I said we're leaving.
{END OF ACT ONE / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT TWO}
[Open in the Brown kitchen. Dr. Brown is reading the Pinecone. Headline reads "Phone Lines Going Underground".]
DR. BROWN: So what do you think sounds better? Karate or Paper Mache Jewelry Making?
EPHRAM: Close call. They both kinda make me want to kill myself. Delia, food's here.
DR. BROWN: What happened to the pizza?
EPHRAM: I decided I was in the mood for something a little more fried. Executive decision. So you a little old for self-improvement classes?
DR. BROWN: It's not for me. I'm just trying to find something that Delia and I can do together. You know, spend some quality time, do some bonding?
EPHRAM: Well, you never did any of that with me.
DR. BROWN: OK. How about you and I join the Everwood's Mens Chorus together?
EPHRAM: I don't need to bond that bad.
DR. BROWN: Oh, here we go. Close encounters of the camping kind. Dads and daughters get away to get connected. Spend a fun filled night in the woods in historic Fiery Gizzard State Park. Tents, food, and equipment $100. Memories and smiles no extra charge. That sounds perfect.
EPHRAM: Yeh, except for the fact that you hate camping.
DR. BROWN: I don't hate camping. I'm just not very good at it.
DELIA: Who's going camping?
DR. BROWN: We are, sweetie. This weekend. What'd you say?
DELIA: No.
DR. BROWN: Oh come on, it'll be fun. We'll roast marshmallows, tell ghost stories.
DELIA: You're forgetting something.
DR. BROWN: What's that?
DELIA: I don't like you.
DR. BROWN: That's too bad, kiddo, 'cause we leave Friday at 5.
[Cut to Irv and Edna's House.]
EDNA: Hey.
IRV: Woman, you trying to give me another heart attack?
EDNA: If you're looking for Amy, she's in the can. No idea what she's been doing in there for the past half hour, but my guess is it involves makeup.
IRV: We have to talk. Now, I understand you are in a bind here and I know we're Amy's family and we have obligations, but I already had a teenage daughter.
EDNA: So did I.
IRV: Yes, but I was actually involved in raising mine and it's hard work. Too hard for a man my age.
EDNA: It won't be forever, Harper. It's just a slight wrinkle in my plan, that's all.
IRV: You messed up. You should've called them, but you didn't. I'm not, I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying we have a situation here. And instead of spending your time trying to justify the mistake you made, we should be figuring out how we are going to fix this.
EDNA: Well, I was thinking of calling Father Ivers over at the church. He baptized Junior and confirmed him and married him and Rose. He's the only one I can think of they might listen to other than God himself.
IRV: Alright, let's get him on the horn?
EDNA: I still think we should wait. You know, Amy's a smart girl, she'll do the right thing. Meanwhile, it might be good to get her out of the bunker.
[Enter Amy coming down the steps.]
EDNA: Oh ... Where are you going?
AMY: Um, I've got a school thing. It's OK, I always go. Um, I was just supposed to have a ride and Laynie's car broke down. So?
EDNA: My keys are in my purse. It's hanging on the coat rack.
AMY: Thanks, Grandma. Thank you. See you later. Bye, Irv.
IRV: Good night, sweetheart.
AMY: See you later.
EDNA: One scratch and I'll have your hide.
AMY: Bye.
[Amy leaves. Irv gives Edna a look and she speaks into the phone.]
EDNA: Yes, the number for Christ the King church on Glenwood.
[Cut to the reception area of Dr. Brown's practice.]
DR. BROWN: Morning, Edna.
EDNA: Morning.
DR. BROWN: Say, you look exhausted?
EDNA: I'm fine. Press on.
DR. BROWN: There's somebody in my office.
EDNA: No wonder, you brain surgeons, get the big bucks.
DR. BROWN: Well, who is it? I didn't have anyone scheduled.
EDNA: Invitro lady from yesterday. It's her husband.
DR. BROWN: He's supposed to be dead.
EDNA: Yep. I thought it was weird too.
[Cut to Dr. Brown's office.]
DR. BROWN: She told me her husband was dead.
NEIL: He is. Her first husband. I probated his estate.
DR. BROWN: OK?
NEIL: That's how I met Helen. We fell in love and last year we got married.
DR. BROWN: Little piece of information she failed to mention.
NEIL: Yeh, I'm not surprised. Look, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. But, she told me she came to see you and I just ... I have a few questions.
DR. BROWN: Join the club?
NEIL: What are the chances of her having a baby with this procedure?
DR. BROWN: Well, it's difficult to say. First, there is the egg retrieval and then, the embryo transfer. Lot of it depends on the motility of the sperm. But I'm sure they explained all of this to you at the clinic.
[Neil looks a little shocked.]
DR. BROWN: (CONT'D)You did know she was doing this, right?
NEIL: Yeh, yeh. I knew. ... She idolized Ted. They were high school sweethearts and all. You know, I-I understood that. When I proposed to her, she told me about her promise to him and then, she made me promise that when the time came, I'd let her have the baby. I mean what was I gonna to say, you know? I figured eventually she'd forget about it. But now, Ted's like this ghost who's just around all of the time.
DR. BROWN: Have you told her how you feel?
NEIL: How I feel is powerless. Emasculated, if you really want to know. I mean, she would rather have a baby with her dead husband than with me. I want to have kids too. It's not like I'm incapable.
DR. BROWN: Well, so tell her that.
NEIL: Yeh. I was hoping you would.
DR. BROWN: Oh, no, no. I don't think so.
NEIL: Isn't she coming in later for blood work?
[Cut to a restaurant, likely Sal's Pizza. Tommy and Amy are eating lunch.]
TOMMY: Don't you have to get back for 5th period?
AMY: No, it's just English. Who cares?
TOMMY: Are you getting all "bad girl" on me?
AMY: Yeh, after this I'm going to go get a tattoo, maybe do a little shoplifting, stop by the crack house.
TOMMY: Ah.
AMY: No, I'm just kidding. I've just had a lot more freedom since I've been living with my grandmother, which is all I wanted in the first place.
TOMMY: Be careful what you wish for? Having no structure in your life is ... is not what it is cracked up to be. Trust me.
AMY: You OK?
TOMMY: Why are you with me, Amy?
AMY: What do you mean?
TOMMY: I mean, your parents are right. I'm not exactly the greatest influence or the greatest person for that matter.
AMY: My parents don't know anything about you.
TOMMY: Well, maybe we should keep it that way.
AMY: No, that's the point. They didn't even make an effort. That's why..
TOMMY: That's why you moved out?
AMY: No. No. Not entirely.
TOMMY: Look, um, if you don't want to go home, that's fine? I can totally respect that, that's your decision. But just don't make this about me, you know, I don't want to be the poster boy for pissing off mom and dad, you know?
AMY: (kisses him) That's what this is about. That and the free skittles.
[Cut back to Dr. Brown's office. He's meeting with Helen McGinn, again.]
HELEN: I really don't need a lecture.
DR. BROWN: I'm not lecturing. I'm just saying that maybe there's a reason you didn't telling me you were married.
HELEN: You didn't ask, how about that. You think every time a yokel sees his urologist he says, "By the way, Doctor, you should know I have a wife." It's not a big deal.
DR. BROWN: Look, I help a lot of people and I'm not knocking you. But truthfully and thankfully, you don't need it. You have a husband who loves you and wants to have a child with you.
HELEN: And we will.
DR. BROWN: Put yourself in his shoes. We have all said things in the heat of the moment that we would like to take back.
HELEN: Excuse me, there was no moment. We talked about this more than once and he agreed.
DR. BROWN: Because he knows how important it is to you. Look, I'm not saying its wrong for wanting to keep your promise, but no one would blame you for changing your mind.
HELEN: I have worked too hard and invested too much to stop now. Now, I'm sorry, Neil is having mixed feelings, but a promise is a promise. I'm having this baby. And I don't appreciate the two of you ganging up on me and Ted like this.
[Cut to the Abbott house at dinner table.]
DR. H. ABBOTT: So how is Amy?
BRIGHT: Well, I don't know.
DR. H. ABBOTT: You didn't see her at school today?
BRIGHT: Yeah.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Well, and?
BRIGHT: She looked the same. What do you want me to say?
[Rose exits to kitchen and Dr. H. Abbott follows.]
ROSE: What are you doing?
DR. H. ABBOTT: I'm going to get our daughter and bring her home.
ROSE: No, you're not.
DR. H. ABBOTT: This has gone on long enough.
ROSE: I said no. This has got to be her decision.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Well, she's not capable of making a good decision. Not in her present state. Look at her history.
ROSE: The only history of bad decisions in this family has been yours.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Excuse me?
ROSE: When Amy misbehaved at school, you bought her a car. When she stayed out all night doing God knows what with that boy, you didn't tell me about it.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Well, you're the one who wanted to put her on medication, what about that? She can now proudly answer "yes" for antidepressants on every medical history she fills out for the rest of her life.
ROSE: How dare you? How dare you pretend you gave even one minute of consideration to my opinion on that? You have never shown any respect for my authority as a parent.
DR. H. ABBOTT: I can't even talk to you like this.
ROSE: Yes, you will. You will stand there and listen to me for once. I'm sick of it, Harold. The way she controls this family. You have always put Amy first. When she's here it's nothing but yelling and screaming, crisis and drama. And now she's gone, you still make everything about her. There are other people in this family. Your son, me. Do you even think about us any more? Do you, do you, do you care how we feel?
DR. H. ABBOTT: Of course, I do. Right now, Amy needs special attention.
ROSE: What Amy needs is discipline and you can't seem to provide that.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Oh, oh and you can? Please. Yeh, I tolerated your little power play at mother's but do you seriously think Amy believed her or that any of us did?
ROSE: You patronizing bastard. You go to your office. You spend all day with your patients. Thursdays it's the lodge, Saturdays it's golf. And then you come home and you think you've got all the answers. Well, guess what? I'm the one who gets to deal with the consequences every time you make one of your proclamations. I'm the one who supports you and defends you and you never give anything back.
DR. H. ABBOTT: So what do you want? You want me to blindly encourage your outrageous concept of punishment the moment things get hard. I'm supposed to simply kick my own child out of our home just because you say so.
ROSE: That's right.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Are you seriously willing to lose our daughter over some teenage crush?
ROSE: Are you seriously willing to lose our marriage?
DR. H. ABBOTT: What?
ROSE: Let me tell you something, Harold. This marriage will not survive if you keep undercutting me. Our daughter is tearing this family apart and you are so blind you can't even see it. I swear to God, Harold, I will not go on living like this. I will not.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Rose?
ROSE: No.
DR. H. ABBOTT: Rose?
{END OF ACT TWO / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT THREE}
[Open on Dr. Brown and Delia in a parking lot.]
SIMON: [through a speaker phone] I see cell phones. This is daughter time not Daddy time.
DELIA: I told you we should've brought backpacks.
DR. BROWN: Well, I didn't know we were going to the Himalayas.
DELIA: I want to go home.
DR. BROWN: Come on, this is going to be fun. It'll be a beautiful night camping under the stars. Spending time with my number one girl.
DELIA: Why? Is Linda coming with us?
DR. BROWN: Come on, you know I meant you.
DELIA: Whatever.
SIMON: Let's go, folks. We've gotta make camp before sunset. Hot, hot. Are we excited?
DELIA: Only if this bus takes me home.
[Cut to Madison and Ephram in kitchen at the Browns.]
EPHRAM: What's this? I didn't order that.
MADISON: You know what, I'm not really hungry yet. Why don't we watch a movie for a while?
EPHRAM: I said Moo Shu Chicken. This is pork. I don't eat pork. I'm going to call 'em.
MADISON: Ephram, do we have to do this now?
EPHRAM: You're right, by the, by the time I call 'em and they switch it. The rest of the food will be cold. That's great. That just sucks.
MADISON: OK, what's bugging you? And don't tell me it's the Moo Shu, because no amount of unwanted pork should distract you from a possible make out session. Especially when there's no possibility of us getting caught.
EPHRAM: Ah, I wouldn't count on that. I doubt my dad'll be able to handle my sister and nature for an entire night. They'll be back.
MADISON: Why would you say that?
EPHRAM: Because I know my dad and the man has zero communication skills. He's-He's better with Delia, but still...
MADISON: Did he talk to you at all about Linda?
EPHRAM: What about Linda?
MADISON: His dating her? I mean he planned this whole trip with Delia, I just assumed...
EPHRAM: Well, Delia's younger, she doesn't quite get it yet.
MADISON: And you do?
EPHRAM: Don't start, please
MADISON: This isn't about your age. This is about your dad dating somebody for the first time since your mom died. You're not supposed to get it. You're supposed to talk about.
EPHRAM: I have nothing to talk about.
MADISON: You know, I hated every guy my mom brought home after her divorce.
EPHRAM: My dad's not divorced.
MADISON: I know, I'm sorry, that-that came out wrong.
EPHRAM: It's no big deal. Alright, I-I didn't-I didn't think he would want to start dating so soon. He does. It's weird. I'm over it.
MADISON: So your dad talks about dating for the first time in your entire life. Doesn't ask you how you feel about it and you've emotionally processed this in less than 30 seconds. That's impressive.
EPHRAM: What do you want me to do? I'm going to tell him how to live his life. If he thinks, he's ready, then I should be too.
MADISON: Yeh, but here's the thing. You know, you can not be a OK with it and still support his decision. And if you feel like you can talk to him about it, then you should. And if you can't, then talk to me. Cause chances are, if you're feeling gloomy, I can-I can do stuff to cheer you up.
EPHRAM: This is good. Just this.
[Cut to camping with Dr. Brown and Delia.]
DELIA: Straighten and connect shock corner joints on fly pole.
DR. BROWN: Well, which one is the fly pole?
DELIA: Did it take this long when you went camping with Ephram?
DR. BROWN: No, but the tent wasn't as big.
DELIA: They actually make them smaller?
SIMON: Do you guys need some help?
DR. BROWN: You know, if I can clip an inter-cranial aneurysm. I oughtta be able to handle this.
SIMON: You sure? You already missed the opening session.
DR. BROWN: We're fine, Simon. Go. Bond. Be merry.
SIMON: OK, but don't be too long. The eggs in a cup go fast.
DR. BROWN: Did he just say "eggs in a cup"?
DELIA: I hate nature.
[Dr. Brown pulls out his cell phone.]
DELIA: (CONT'D) You're not supposed to do that.
DR. BROWN: What are they going to do? Put me in camping jail?
[Cut to Irv and Edna's house. Present are Dr. H. Abbott, Rose, Bright, Amy, Edna, Irv, and Father Ivers.]
FATHER IVERS: That we may find healing and grace through the power of your name. Amen. Before we start, let me thank Edna for calling me and for having us all into her home. I'm glad that you're all making God a part of the equation tonight. I used to tell Hal Sr. that being a steward was a lot more than just having your butt in the pew on Sunday. Well, let's remember the ground rules. This is a safe environment. Everybody gets a chance to speak. Everyone gets a chance to respond. Rose, why don't we start with you?
ROSE: Well, we love our daughter, Father.
FATHER IVERS: Not to me.
[Rose turns her attention to Amy.]
ROSE: You know that. But just because we love you doesn't mean me have to like what you're doing. You violated our trust, you have to earned that back. I know you don't like it, but it's punishment. It's not supposed to be fun.
FATHER IVERS: OK. Amy, do you want to respond?
AMY: You and Dad say that you love me, but you don't. Not really. You love who I used to be, you love who you want me to be. It's totally conditional and it's unfair.
ROSE: If you're going to talk to us that way...
FATHER IVERS: Rose, please. Let her finish.
AMY: This all started over Tommy, but he's not the issue. He's not the reason all this is happening. He even said that he didn't want to create problems within my family. All the stupid stuff I did, I deserve to be punished for, but not for him.
FATHER IVERS: Is that all?
AMY: I'm willing to give up the car and the phone. I figure that should enough since I've already apologized like a million times.
BRIGHT: You are such a baby.
FATHER IVERS: Son, please?
BRIGHT: Do we seriously have to sit here and listen to this garbage?
FATHER IVERS: You'll get your turn. Harold, how about you?
DR. H. ABBOTT: I've always treated you as an adult, Amy, and maybe I shouldn't've because, well, you're not. I see that now. I've jeopardized my marriage in an effort to maintain your good graces and failed your mother in the process. When you say that we can't tell you how to live your life you're just simply wrong. We're your parents. That's our job. If you want to live under our roof again, we're ready to have ya. But you know the terms. I believe your mother iterated them quite clearly for you the other day and I support her.
EDNA: Amy, don't you want to say something?
DR. H. ABBOTT: Say yes and you can get up right now and come home with us.
BRIGHT: Unbelievable.
FATHER IVERS: Maybe we should take a break.
DR. H. ABBOTT: You know that's-that's fine, Father. Thank you for your time. Good luck, Mother.
[Cut to a hotel room with Dr. Brown and Delia. Delia is laughing. She and her dad have escaped the hell of the camping excursion.]
DELIA: This is fun. Can we do it again?
DR. BROWN: Absolutely. It'll be our thing.
DELIA: So that means you can't come here with her, promise?
DR. BROWN: Honey, I don't think I should make those kinds of promises any more.
DELIA: Because you can't keep them.
DR. BROWN: No, because I can't make the decisions that I have to make, if... Well, if I'm scared of you.
DELIA: You're not scared of me.
DR. BROWN: Are you kidding me? You bet I am. When you're mad at me, my stomach turns inside out. I hate it.
DELIA: I'm not mad at you, Dad. I just don't want her to be mad at me.
DR. BROWN: Well, honey, Linda's not going to be mad at you.
DELIA: Not Linda. Mom.
DR. BROWN: What about Mom?
DELIA: If I like Linda, Mom will know and she'll be mad.
DR. BROWN: Well, why would Mom be mad?
DELIA: Because she'll be jealous. You think Linda's beautiful. She's got red hair and she's a doctor and Mom wasn't like that.
DR. BROWN: Honey. There will never be anyone who means as much to me as Mom did. Not anyone. Just like no one could ever take your place or Ephram's, that's the first thing you have to know.
DELIA: What's the second thing?
DR. BROWN: The second thing is that Mom would never be mad at you or me or anyone for liking someone else that wasn't her.
DELIA: I don't know. She could be pretty tough.
DR. BROWN: Delia, when someone we love dies, it's OK to be sad about it for a while. For as long as you need to be, really. But, you-you just can't hang on to all the love that you used to give to that person.
DELIA: Why not?
DR. BROWN: Well, because love's not worth a whole lot if you just keep it to yourself. ... Well, it's getting kinda late.
DELIA: Uh, yea.
DR. BROWN: Probably time to order another movie.
DELIA: Two in one night?
DR. BROWN: Why not? The world is our oyster. So what'll it be action, comedy or drama?
[On the TV screen, we can see the choices that Dr. Brown said. In addition there is also Adult for which there is an asterisk that says "Must be over 18." Dr. Brown clicks on Adult. Apparently by accident. The choices for Adult films are: Driving Miss Daisy Crazy, Island Adventures, Frat Party, and Around the Clock.]
DELIA: Driving Miss Daisy Crazy, what's that?
DR. BROWN: You wouldn't like it.
{END OF ACT THREE / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT FOUR}
[Open in Dr. Brown's office with Neil and Helen McGinn. Edna arrives with a box.]
EDNA: Sperm's here.
HELEN: Oh, good. I'll take it.
DR. BROWN: Careful, that's liquid nitrogen.
HELEN: I hope they get his chin. He had a great chin.
NEIL: Oh, for God's sakes. Y-You know what, I can't do this. There is no way.
HELEN: Neil?
NEIL: It's like I don't even exist.
DR. BROWN: Uh, maybe I should take that.
NEIL: Our baby this, our baby that. We're gonna work together, raise it as a team. That all sounds great, but you know what, that's not our kid. I will never be able to love it like it's mine, because it's not. I'm sorry if that makes me a horrible person, but that's how I feel.
HELEN: Honey, I know you're insecure, but I have to do this. I made a promise and so did you.
NEIL: Well, I take it back.
DR. BROWN: Guys, please. Why don't we just take a deep breath?
NEIL: No. No. You know what, I'm all out of deep breaths. Helen, you have a choice to make. It's either me or-or him or them?
[Neil leaves.]
DR. BROWN: It's your decision. Whatever you want to do I'll help you.
HELEN: I thought I had room for both of them. Do I make any sense?
DR. BROWN: I stopped trying to make sense of things a long time ago. You know, it's funny. It's been almost 2 years since my wife died and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. It's always little things. It could be a song on the radio or a phone call or even a certain scent.
HELEN: If you could've seen Ted's face, when he made me promise.
DR. BROWN: Listen, no one will blame you if you changed your mind. You are a wife before you are widow. We all make promises to people we love. But letting go is not the same thing as forgetting. It's not even close.
HELEN: I'm not going through with the procedure. Thank you, Dr. Brown.
[Helen rises to go.]
DR. BROWN: Oh, uh, Helen? What would you like me to do with this?
HELEN: Actually, I'm wondering if you do me one last favor?
[Cut to Amy's Room at the Abbott house.]
ROSE: How did this happen?
DR. H. ABBOTT: It's OK.
ROSE: I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought she'd come home, I really did.
DR. H. ABBOTT: I know. We'll get through this.
ROSE: How? How will we?
DR. H. ABBOTT: By staying together.
[Cut to Linda's house.]
DR. BROWN: Hi.
DR. L. ABBOTT: Hi.
DR. BROWN: Can Linda come out and play?
DR. L. ABBOTT: You're not going to sing for me again, are you?
DR. BROWN: No, but I can dance. Actually, I'm here to ask you out on a date. I've worked it out with Delia and she's completely on board. All you have to worry about now is my grading personality and utter lack of charm.
DR. L. ABBOTT: I'm glad to hear that about Delia, but you know your kids aren't the only issue.
DR. BROWN: I know.
DR. L. ABBOTT: I mean I'm OK right now, but that can change any day, any time.
DR. BROWN: Yea, well, I could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Look, I'd be lying to you if I told you that your sickness didn't scare me at first. I mean it's one thing to start dating again. But it's another, to date a woman that I could lose. But I'm just not going to sit back and let watch life pass me by without trying to find just a little piece of happiness along the way. And neither should you. Look, all I'm asking for is one date – dinner and a movie. OK, an expensive dinner. Maybe sushi. Do vegetarians eat fish?
[Cut to the Harper house.]
AMY: See ya later.
EDNA: Hold on there, Private. Where do you think you're going?
AMY: Out.
EDNA: No, ma'am. Not on a school night.
AMY: Why not? We're just watching a movie. I won't be late.
EDNA: I don't care what you're doing. You're not doing it tonight.
AMY: Why not? I don't-I don't need the car.
EDNA: I'm sorry, Amy, but I didn't exactly earn my parenting stripes the first time around. You're my responsibility for now and I have to set some limits. If you want to see people during the week, fine. Have 'em over here. And weekends are yours so long as your school work's done and you're home by midnight.
AMY: Grandma?
EDNA: And you're going to start helping out around here. KP. Keeping the house clean. Harper's not used to being out numbered so I got to be careful. Those are the rules. And you bust a curfew or step out of line once, just once, and I'll be on you like a bum on a bologna sandwich. Understood?
AMY: Are you trying to make me leave, Grandma?
EDNA: I'm trying to make you understand that even though you think you are a 35 year old woman, you're not. And there are rules in every port, sweetheart, everywhere you go.
AMY: Well, can I still see Tommy?
EDNA: Yes, I already promised you that and I'm not going to go back on my word. But, I hear once that you've crossed the line with him or lied to me about where you've been and you're confined to barracks permanently.
[Cut to a mountain with Dr. Brown and Ephram climbing up it. They're close to the top.]
EPHRAM: I think I'm getting a nose bleed.
DR. BROWN: Well, we're here. This is the spot.
EPHRAM: You know all things considered, I don't think Men's Chorus was such a bad idea.
DR. BROWN: Peaceful, isn't it?
EPHRAM: Yea, it's nice.
DR. BROWN: His wife said this was Ted's favorite spot. I can see why.
EPHRAM: So she just wants you to hurl it over.
DR. BROWN: Yep.
EPHRAM: Isn't there some kind of law against dumping sperm in a natural forest?
DR. BROWN: Probably.
EPHRAM: It seems kinda weird her not doing it herself. I mean, you didn't even know the guy.
DR. BROWN: Well, I think that's why. She didn't say as much, but I could tell.
EPHRAM: Yea, you have a real sick sense about people.
DR. BROWN: Well, enough to know that something's on your mind. Want to tell me what it is?
EPHRAM: Yea, I-I mean, I-I like Linda. I do, I-I can see why you like her, I think. But the fact is, I'm not as cool about you starting to date as you probably want me to be. I'm just not. It-It's not that I'm not cool about it. It's just that it's weird. I think maybe I thought you would turn into one of those happy old widows that have a lot of old lady friends and cats like Andy Griffith.
[Dr. Brown throws his son a look.]
EPHRAM: (CONT'D) Nick at Nite. But that's not you and you know, I-I know that now and I-I want you to be happy. And if dating Linda what's going to make you happy then I'll find a way to feel less weird about it. I will, it's gonna take a little bit of time, but I'll figure it out, OK? That's it, that's all I wanna say. I'm done.
DR. BROWN: Do you realize you just told me how you feel about something without absolutely no prompting whatsoever?
EPHRAM: Hey, you prompted.
DR. BROWN: OK, all right. A little. But I'm still impressed. So. You want to do the honors?
EPHRAM: You're asking me to throw a dead guy's frozen spunk into a canyon?
[Dr. Brown nods enthusiastically.]
EPHRAM: (CONT'D) Cool.
[Ephram hurls the spunk over the mountain.]
DR. BROWN: Nice throw. Good arm. So here's a question. This sperm gets thrown into the forest and nobody hears it.
EPHRAM: Dad?
DR. BROWN: Ah, come on. That was funny. Let me try another one on you, OK? Having done what we just did, did we commit spermicide?
EPHRAM: Dad?
DR. BROWN: Come on, this is funny stuff.
