NARRATOR: Previously on Everwood...
[Cut to brief clips of various scenes from "Vegetative State".]
Amy is looking at the phone in shock.
DR. ABBOTT: Amy, what is it?
AMY: Colin's coming home.
Ephram and Dr. Brown are in the kitchen of their home.
EPHRAM: So he's coming home.
DR. BROWN: [taking a sip from his cup] A little too soon if you ask me.
Outside the Hart house, several of Colin's classmates are cheering and holding signs for his coming home. Colin looks miserable from inside the car.
Colin angrily tells Bright that he doesn't remember anything.
COLIN: I don't remember the accident. I don't even remember you.
Ephram and Amy walk around town. Amy's trying not to cry.
AMY: He doesn't even remember my name.
EPHRAM: Look, my dad just said it takes a while. I mean, he'll remember eventually. You just gotta stick it out.
Amy tries to make it up to Colin at his house.
AMY: You don't have to fake it anymore. I know you don't remember me. [a beat, she extends her right hand] I'm Amy.
COLIN: [accepting the hand with his left] I'm Colin.
{END OF "PREVIOUSLY ON EVERWOOD}
{TEASER}
[Open on a makeshift poker table at the Brown house. The players are: Dr. Brown, Irv, Edna, Delia and an anonymous woman.]
NARRATOR: Every storyteller knows that, at the heart of every great tale, is the hero who inspired it. Legends whose names are known, whose lives we remember, whose stories we pass on.
[The camera is slowly panning around the table. It stops briefly on Edna.]
NARRATOR: Alexander the great.
EDNA: [background] OK, I'm in.
[The camera focuses next on Irv.]
NARRATOR: Ernest Hemmingway.
IRV: [frustrated] I fold.
[Then on Delia.]
NARRATOR: ...Marilyn Monroe.
DELIA: I got nothing.
NARRATOR: The older the tale, the more romantic embellishments we tale spinners add. It helps create the illusion of an individual who is larger than life. Dr. Brown was a legend in his own right by the time he came to Everwood. But he wasn't the only one.
[The camera has now stopped on the unknown woman.]
EVELYN: Ladies and Gentlemen... a full house.
[The others moan in disbelief.]
DELIA: She got you again, Dad.
EDNA: Damn!
DR. BROWN: I thought for sure you were bluffing this time.
EVELYN: Wait till I tell Uta. She'll be thrilled.
DR. BROWN: You studied acting under Uta Hagen?
EVELYN: Not acting, darling... poker!
EDNA: [laughing] Tell him about the time you met Jack Lemmon in the john.
IRV: She was in the men's room...
EDNA: It was in one of those Frenchy restaurants, I forget the name... Uno... duo...
EVELYN: No, Edna, it wasn't. It was a Mexican restaurant and I accidentally walked into the men's room and who should be standing there finishing up his business but Mr. Jack Lemmon himself. Now, of course, I had met him several times in passing...
EDNA: But you had just seen him in Monday's Journey a couple weeks before.
EVELYN: Anyway, he was just standing there, I was so embarrassed. Mr. Lemmon, zipping up.
DR. BROWN: So what did you say?
EVELYN: Well, what else could I say except "well, nobody's perfect"!
[Everyone but Delia laughs.]
DELIA: I don't get it.
DR. BROWN: It's a famous line from an old movie, sweetheart. We'll rent it, you'll love it.
EVELYN: Can I have a little bit more water? I have a tickle in my throat.
DR. BROWN: Sure, sure. I'll get you a fresh glass.
[They head for the kitchen.]
EVELYN: You really have a beautiful home, Doctor.
DR. BROWN: Thank you. So what brought you to Everwood in the first place?
EVELYN: Well, my career was at a bit of a stand still in New York when a friend of mine asked me to come out and direct a stock production at the opera house. I was only gonna stay the summer.
DR. BROWN: How long ago was that?
EVELYN: About twelve years ago. And now I mostly teach classes and direct a play now and then in Denver. But every winter I direct a musical here in Everwood and Edna's my stage manager. How about coming and auditioning? We're doing The King and I.
DR. BROWN: I'm sorry. I haven't done a musical since high school and even then, I wasn't very good. I have the worst time memorizing lines.
[Evelyn coughs as she drinks her water.]
EVELYN: Sorry.
DR. BROWN: You should stop by my office tomorrow so I can check that out.
EVELYN: No no no, there's no need. It's probably just a silly flu.
DR. BROWN: Probably. But I could take a look.
EVELYN: Well, alright. I'll make my way over to your fabulous train station if you'll come and audition with me.
[They head back to the dining room.]
DR. BROWN: Well, I don't know how I feel about balloon pants but I'll think about it.
IRV: Anyone for another hand?
DR. BROWN: [for Delia] Not this one. Time to hit the sack, kiddo.
DELIA: It was nice meeting you, Evelyn.
EVELYN: You too, dear. Are you gonna try out for my musical? You have such expressive eyes, you'll be a natural.
DELIA: I have expressive eyes?
EVELYN: You've gotta be kidding. Nicole Kidman would kill for those peepers. Now what about singing? Do you like to sing?
DR. BROWN: She has a beautiful voice. Takes after her mother that way.
EVELYN: OK, it's agreed. Auditions this week and don't you forget.
DELIA: I won't. Thanks, Evelyn.
DR. BROWN: [doing a booming voice] And just like that, a star is born.
DELIA: You have to buy my sheet music first thing tomorrow morning.
DR. BROWN: And the star's assistant.
{END OF TEASER / OPENING CREDITS / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT ONE}
[Open on Colin standing next to a driveway. He looks lost. A black truck pulls up and Amy jumps out.]
AMY: Hey. Are you ready for your first day of school?
COLIN: [reserved] Sure. What's that?
AMY: It's your Miners jacket. You gave it to me last year, I thought you might want to wear it.
COLIN: Yeah, sure.
[They jump in.]
[Cut to Peak County High. Bright, Amy, Colin and Kayla are walking across the field. The camera has this scene at about half speed. "Little Green Bag" by George Baker Selection is playing.]
LYRICS: Lookin' back on the track for a little green bag / Got to find just a kind or losin' my mind
BRIGHT: Clear the way. Clear the way, people, my brother has returned.
AMY: [to Colin] You've got homeroom and your first period is with Mr. Bedford. He's a little bit out of it so he might not even notice you. We both have Mrs. Chapman for Journalism, she's not nice at all unless she likes you of course, and then you're golden.
COLIN: Does she like me?
AMY: Everybody likes you, Colin. You wouldn't happen to remember where homeroom is, would you?
COLIN: No clue.
AMY: That's OK, I'll show you.
[Cut to the other side. Ephram and Wendell have just arrived on their bikes.]
WENDELL: It's weird seeing them together again. Almost like nothing ever happened.
EPHRAM: I wouldn't know.
WENDELL: Hey, I know you're feeling kind of destroyed right now but I'm here for you, buddy.
EPHRAM: Why would I be feeling destroyed?
WENDELL: Because you've been holding Colin's place in line. Now he's back and you've got nowhere to stand. You wasted all that time on Amy for nothing.
EPHRAM: That wasn't for nothing.
WENDELL: That's true. It was like a practice crush. Now you can focus on liking someone a little more your speed.
EPHRAM: Shut up, Wendell!
[Cut to the opera house. People are gathered outside rehearsing, including Dr. Abbott.]
DR. ABBOTT: [singing] Miney miney miney miney mine. Miney... The offer must fizzle the successful thistles are here sifting a suit full of unsifted thistles. Good luck, Pam. Knock 'em dead, Neil. Break a leg, Alice.
ALICE: Thanks, Dr. Abbott. You too.
DR. ABBOTT: [singing again] Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi...
[His mother almost bumps into him.]
EDNA: What are you doing here so early? You're not slated till four.
DR. ABBOTT: Absolutely not. I signed up for the three o'clock audition, Mother.
[She checks her board.]
EDNA: I wrote down four. Oh well, [unintelligible].
[She walks away.]
DR. ABBOTT: [grumpy] Mummy mummy mummy mummy mum.
[Cut to Dr. Brown and Delia walking up the street.]
DR. BROWN: Beautiful, isn't it? That's one of the oldest theaters in Colorado, Delia.
DELIA: It looks like a picture. Do they have regular toilets?
DR. BROWN: Why wouldn't they have regular toilets?
DELIA: I don't know. Maybe they didn't have them in the olden days.
[They pass Dr. Abbott.]
DR. ABBOTT: If this is the result of homeschooling, I'd reconsider your options.
DR. BROWN: I take it you're auditioning, Doctor.
DR. ABBOTT: Well... the audition's merely a formality but yes, yes I am.
DELIA: You don't seem scared at all!
DR. ABBOTT: If you and your father were to carefully peruse the one sheets outside the opera house here, you would notice that there has not been an Everwood winter musical in the last six years in which I have not played the lead.
DR. BROWN: I bet you made a great gypsy.
DR. ABBOTT: Fear not, Doctor. I'm sure Evelyn will find a place for you, perhaps in the chorus.
[Evelyn walks past.]
EVELYN: Well, you're absolutely right. There's room in my musical for everyone.
DR. ABBOTT: Evelyn, wonderful seeing you.
[He kisses both her cheeks.]
EVELYN: Harold! Wow, are my eyes fooling you or have you lost weight since last year?
DR. ABBOTT: I've increased the cardio.
EVELYN: I can tell.
[Brenda Baxworth notices them and comes running over.]
BRENDA: Oh Evelyn! Oh Evelyn!
[They hug.]
EVELYN: Brenda! You look more radiant every time I see you.
BRENDA: Do you have a sec? I would love for you to look over my music selection.
DELIA: Me too.
EVELYN: Well, I'd love to help you all. I just need a few moments to settle in, OK? Excuse me.
[Cut to inside the opera house. She walks in and Dr. Brown follows her.]
DR. BROWN: Evelyn? Evelyn, listen. We need to talk.
EVELYN: If you don't have a song prepared, you could sing "Happy Birthday".
DR. BROWN: You missed your follow up appointment this morning.
EVELYN: Yes, I did. I'm sorry. It must have just slipped my mind while I was readying for the auditions. Perhaps we can meet later.
DR. BROWN: Yes, we should.
EVELYN: Very well.
[She walks off to get ready. Dr. Brown stares at her looking a little worried.]
[Cut to County High. Ephram is in the bathroom. Colin walks in.]
COLIN: I know you.
EPHRAM: I don't think so. I'm new here.
COLIN: You're Ephram Brown. The kid from New York.
EPHRAM: Yeah, that's me.
COLIN: Thought so.
[Ephram starts to head out.]
COLIN: You know, I know all about you.
EPHRAM: Look, you shouldn't waste your Google TM time on me, alright? I'm not that interesting.
COLIN: Bright told me about you.
EPHRAM: Yeah, I don't know what Bright said, but he's running on empty as far as brain cells are concerned.
COLIN: Your dad saved my life.
EPHRAM: Excuse me?
COLIN: Well, I met him a few times in rehab. He's the one that did the operation, right?
EPHRAM: That's what Bright told you?
COLIN: That's what everyone told me. They say he's some kind of a genius.
EPHRAM: He likes to think so.
COLIN: You're cool with me.
[Ephram looks extremely uncomfortable.]
COLIN: It's nice to meet you, Ephram.
[They shake hands.]
EPHRAM: Sure, nice meeting you too.
[Colin walks out and Ephram stares at him wondering what just happened.]
[Cut to the Brown clinic.]
EVELYN: I've got to say, Doctor, you've done a remarkable job here. Where were you last year when I was building a set of Brigadoons? We could've used you.
DR. BROWN: Why don't you sit down, Evelyn?
EVELYN: No thanks, I'm fine. [picking up a photo] Is this your son? Wow, why didn't he audition for us?
DR. BROWN: Ephram saves his theatrical side for our arguments.
EVELYN: That's too bad, he's a handsome guy. A lot like his dad. So is your beautiful daughter. By the way, your auditions were top notch.
DR. BROWN: Evelyn, I've got the results of some of our blood work and I'm sorry to tell you...
EVELYN: I think you'll be very happy with the role I've chosen for you. Really befits your stage presence.
DR. BROWN: Evelyn, what I'm trying to tell you...
EVELYN: Is that I have leukemia?
DR. BROWN: You knew?
EVELYN: It's not an impressive guess. I've battled that dragon before.
DR. BROWN: I didn't know that.
EVELYN: Nobody does. At least not in Everwood. Twelve years ago I was living in New York. My career was on its way up. I'd been cast in a lead opposite Julie Harris in a production at Lincoln Center and I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Well, needless to say, I didn't go up in that play. Instead, I moved here with my cousin to finish out the rest of my days in peace. And then it started to happen. I started to get really well and before I knew it, I was in full remission. That's when my cousin suggested that I join the living and direct the winter musical. You see, doctor, I came here to die and instead I ended up living the best years of my life.
DR. BROWN: OK. So, here's what we're gonna do now. We need to get you to an oncologist right away. They'll perform a bone marrow aspiration, confirm it's still myeloid and start you out on chemo. In the meantime, I'll check with my friends in the Mayo clinic. You know there's a trial...
EVELYN: Does Edna know?
DR. BROWN: No, I haven't told her. I thought you were gonna do that.
EVELYN: You mustn't tell anyone, promise me.
DR. BROWN: Of course not.
EVELYN: Well, I should probably go and mix some vocals. You're gonna be at rehearsal tomorrow, right?
DR. BROWN: You bet.
EVELYN: You're gonna be great, you know.
{END OF ACT ONE / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT TWO}
[Open on Dr. Brown entering the clinic.]
DR. BROWN: Good morning, Edna.
[Edna is reading a note.]
EDNA: Mighty cold day in hell, Sarge.
DR. BROWN: It's chilly out, sure, but I've seen worse. I remember one winter in Calgary.
EDNA: Evelyn flew the coop.
DR. BROWN: What do you mean?
EDNA: Went back to New York. Something about helping her sister move, spend more time with her nephew. All I know is she left us high and dry and it's not like her to do anything like that.
DR. BROWN: When did you get this?
EDNA: I don't know when she left it. I found it on my door step this morning. Why? Did you know anything about this, did she say something to you?
DR. BROWN: No, not a thing. But I'm sure she'll be back.
EDNA: Yeah, but she doesn't say when. And she wants me to direct the play. Obviously the woman has lost her mind.
DR. BROWN: I don't know, I think that's a great idea.
EDNA: Are you self medicating again? I can't direct a musical!
DR. BROWN: Why not?
EDNA: Because. If some person wearing all black asks me what's their motivation, I'm liable to smack 'em.
DR. BROWN: Come on, Edna, you'll be terrific. Directing's all about bossing people around, yelling at 'em. Making 'em do things your own way. Nobody does that better than you.
EDNA: Nice try. But your sweet talk won't work with me. Besides, I boss people around without the fancy title.
DR. BROWN: Well, that's my point. You know how to take control of a situation. You're a born leader. That's what Evelyn sees in you, that's why she knows you can do it.
EDNA: I did pick up a few things from my rumble in the jungle. Maybe they'd apply.
DR. BROWN: Yeah. So long as you don't tell the cast to make necklaces out of people's ears, I'd say yeah, go with what you've got.
EDNA: And you'll be there to help me. Seeing as how she's cast you as the King of Siam.
DR. BROWN: The king of what?
EDNA: She left a script with a note. Congrats. Do you think we should shave your head or just get you a bald cap?
DR. BROWN: Oh no no. There's gotta be some mistake.
EDNA: The first read through is this afternoon. I expect you'll be prompt.
[Dr. Brown scans the script quickly in confusion but just as quickly accepts it.]
[Cut to the high school lunch room. Ephram and Wendell are finding an empty table.]
WENDELL: I wonder what the lunch lady eats for lunch. Do you think she eats this stuff or does she brown bag it? And if she brown bags it, isn't she still the one that did all the cooking? So wouldn't it be just as bad?
EPHRAM: Your thoughts exhaust me, Wendell.
WENDELL: Imagine what they do to me.
[From across the hall, a voice shouts out.]
COLIN: Ephram! I saved you a seat.
EPHRAM: It's OK, I'm just gonna...
[Wendell bumps him.]
EPHRAM: Wha...?
WENDELL: Side bar!
[They turn around.]
WENDELL: Dude, what is wrong with you? The popular table is beckoning.
EPHRAM: So?
WENDELL: So, you can't say no. That'd be like saying no to free comics or like saying no to making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. Such things are simply not done.
EPHRAM: OK, see you later.
WENDELL: Bring me back a souvenir.
[Ephram makes himself comfortable in the seat between Bright and Colin.]
COLIN: You all know Ephram, right?
BRIGHT: [insincere] Sure we do. How's it going, dude?
EPHRAM: It's going good. How's it going with you?
BRIGHT: Good. Thanks for asking.
KAYLA: Amy, would you shift over? I'm suffocating here.
[Amy shifts over and is now sitting opposite to Ephram. She stares at him for a moment.]
AMY: Hey, Ephram.
EPHRAM: Hey.
COLIN: Right. You guys obviously know each other.
AMY: No, no. Not really, I mean...
[Ephram stares at her in disbelief.]
AMY: ...not so much.
COLIN: You're both sophomores, I mean you must have some classes together?
[Awkward silence.]
EPHRAM: I rarely attend classes.
KAYLA: But he *does* go on field trips.
[Amy kicks her underneath the table. Colin stares at her but doesn't seem to figure it out.]
AMY: [quickly getting up] I need a soda. Do you want something from the vending machines, Colin?
COLIN: I'm good, thanks.
[She walks off.]
COLIN: Oh, wait up. Ephram, do you want anything?
EPHRAM: No thanks, I'm good.
[Colin looks back at Amy and shakes his head.]
[Ephram doesn't look very happy.]
[Cut to the opera house. Brenda and Dr. Brown are walking up on stage.]
BRENDA: I can't believe all the scenes we have together. I bet there's gonna be some private rehearsals. Looks like I'll finally be getting to know you.
[Dr. Brown smiles until he looks at the script.]
DR. BROWN: [quietly] Oh boy.
[Delia and Arnie (from "Deer God") are walking up on stage. Arnie is moaning.]
ARNIE: I can't believe you're playing Anna's son. It's not fair.
DELIA: It's fair. I have expressive eyes.
ARNIE: But I'm a real boy, you just act as one.
DELIA: Deal with it, Arnie.
[Irv walks over.]
IRV: Here you go, Alice.
[Dr. Abbott storms into the theater.]
DR. ABBOTT: EVELYN!
IRV: Harold, good to see you.
DR. ABBOTT: Where is Evelyn? I demand to see her at once. There has been a mistake! The copy I received has chorus/king's understudy written on the front.
IRV: That's not a mistake, Harold.
DR. ABBOTT: No, that's impossible. Who else would be...
[Irv points him on stage to Dr. Brown.]
DR. BROWN: Remember Harold, there are no small parts, only small actors.
DR. ABBOTT: Whatever idiot coined that phrase was not an understudy in a community theatre production, I demand to see Evelyn about this!
[Edna enters the stage.]
EDNA: Sorry, folks! Evelyn won't be here today.
DR. ABBOTT: What do you mean she won't be here? She's the director.
EDNA: That is not entirely the case.
BRENDA: Then who's our director?
EDNA: You're looking at her, cupcake.
DR. ABBOTT: You, Mother?
EDNA: Evelyn had a family emergency and requested that I serve in her post until she returns. So listen up people and listen good! You all know my husband Irv. He will be operating as my stage manager. If he sees anyone brining food or beverage into this establishment, he has my full permission to kick some thespian butt! This includes children.
[Arnie runs off stage.]
EDNA: All right then. Let's everybody turn to page 1. Prepare to commence with the read through.
[Cut to outside Colin's house. Bright is dropping him off.]
BRIGHT: I'll pick you up same time tomorrow. 7:30?
COLIN: You don't have to keep driving me to school everyday Bright.
BRIGHT: We always came together.
COLIN: If it's not out of your way that's cool, 7:30, that's fine.
BRIGHT: You'll see, man. It's all gonna start coming back to you. You've just gotta get into the groove, you know? Stick with our old routine, the way it used to be.
COLIN: How do you mean?
BRIGHT: I mean with like, lunch and everything? We have a pretty set table. It's been the same six people since eighth grade, you know? If we keep it the same way, you'll have a better shot at drawing up those old memories of yours.
COLIN: You mean Ephram.
BRIGHT: Yeah. I mean, he's not like us, Colin. Trust me, I know him. And I know you, it's like ketchup and peanut butter. Really bad.
COLIN: Look, whatever you've got against this kid, you're just gonna have to let it go. I mean as far as I'm concerned he's one of us now. So just work it out, OK?
BRIGHT: Sure. Whatever you say.
[Bright doesn't look happy.]
[Cut to Ephram's bedroom at night. He's typing on his iMac but gets distracted by stones hitting the window. He gets up to investigate and sees Amy outside. She motions for the front door.]
EPHRAM: You know for future reference, you can always just ring the doorbell. It's just as effective and less chance of breaking my window.
AMY: I need to talk to you.
EPHRAM: Apparently it's quite urgent.
AMY: What exactly is going on between you and Colin, I mean, why are you being all buddy-buddy with him?
EPHRAM: First of all, I'm not being buddy-buddy with anyone, all right? He approached me.
AMY: He did? WHY? I mean why?
EPHRAM: I don't know, maybe he thinks I'm pretty.
AMY: I'm serious, Ephram. I mean, you must have done something to get his attention and I don't think it's a good idea. I mean not just for me, for everyone.
EPHRAM: Well, it's nice to know you're thinking about everyone for a change instead of just yourself.
AMY: Excuse me?
EPHRAM: Look, anyway what's the big deal?
AMY: No big deal, it's just uncomfortable.
EPHRAM: Why?
[Silence.]
EPHRAM: Whatever. Look, I have no interest in being your boyfriend's buddy, alright? You don't have anything to worry about.
AMY: So, you won't say anything about...
EPHRAM: No. I won't.
AMY: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.
EPHRAM: Unless of course he asks me directly.
AMY: Ask you what? What would he ask you?
EPHRAM: I don't know. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. You did kiss me.
AMY: You kissed me first.
EPHRAM: Don't worry about it. I'm sure it won't come up.
AMY: Are you trying to upset me, Ephram?
EPHRAM: Just being honest.
AMY: Well, honestly speaking, maybe you and Colin just shouldn't be friends, I mean it's not like you have anything in common anyways. No wait...
EPHRAM: No, you're right. I mean, why would the most perfect guy in the entire world have anything in common with me, right?
AMY: That's not what I meant.
EPHRAM: That's exactly what you meant. You just didn't mean to say it out loud.
AMY: This is hard for me too. OK, I wanna be friends with you the way we were. I really do, but... now that Colin's back in school, I mean, you said it yourself, he needs me. And I, I'm just trying to figure out how to balance all of this, Ephram. And I will it's just complicated.
EPHRAM: Yeah, I think you should get going. I wouldn't want you getting into any more trouble tonight because of me.
[He opens the door for her and she leaves.]
{END OF ACT TWO / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT THREE}
[Open on the Brown Clinic. Dr. Brown is finishing wrapping a cast on Thurman Revere (from "The Great Doctor Brown")'s leg. They are also using the opportunity to rehearse for the production.]
THURMAN: Splendid, Your Majesty. How many children have you?
DR. BROWN: Don't tell me, wait a minute, I know this one. Um... 67. [in his King voice] I have 67 children!
THURMAN: How long do you think I'll have to have this cast on?
DR. BROWN: Could you focus with me here for a minute, Thurman? Did I say the line right or not?
THURMAN: No. Not really. The line was "I have only 67 altogether."
DR. BROWN: But you're not even looking at the script.
THURMAN: I know it already. We've done this a hundred times, Doc.
DR. BROWN: Well, I was close. You don't have to get so nitpicky about it for God's sake.
THURMAN: But you said earlier that...
DR. BROWN: LOOK! Forget about what I said, OK!? Let's just assume if I get it in the ballpark, it's good enough, OK? OK, one more time. Just skip ahead to the next part.
THURMAN: OK. "A Missionary taught you English?"
[Dr. Brown just watches him, waiting for a cue.]
THURMAN: Yes sir? Missionary? That's your cue.
DR. BROWN: I have one?
THURMAN: Oh, you do.
DR. BROWN: [grabbing the script] Let me see that.
THURMAN: You know, you've been rehearsing this play for three weeks, Doc. Shouldn't you know your lines better than that?
DR. BROWN: Thurman, do you wanna wear that cast forever?
[He storms out of the exam room in a huff.]
DR. BROWN: [to Edna] I need more plaster.
EDNA: How's it going on those lines, Sarge?
DR. BROWN: [heading back into the exam room] Oh, great. Just really really great. I have altogether forty... two? Children?
[Irv walks in.]
IRV: Ready for lunch, honey?
EDNA: Lunch? Who has time for lunch? I've got blocking to finish, look at this: I've got Lady Thiang exiting downstage left just as Tuptim enters. It's a collision course waiting to happen.
IRV: Maybe you should take a break, honey. You look a little stressed out...
EDNA: [obviously stressed] Stressed out? Why would I be stressed out? The play goes up in three days, I've got seven more dancers to choreograph, I've got a lead who can't remember his damn lines and I've got a stage manager who apparently thinks he's on vacation.
[Cut to County High. Ephram and Wendell are walking down the hallway. Various students say hi to Ephram.]
DUDE #1: Yo, E. What's up?
EPHRAM: [to Wendell] E? I'm "E" now?
CUTE GIRL: Hi, Ephram.
WENDELL: Well helloooo...
EPHRAM: Why does everyone know my name all of a sudden?
WENDELL: In case you haven't noticed, you're the new "it" boy.
EPHRAM: But why? I haven't even done anything.
WENDELL: You've been Colin-approved. When the most popular boy in school takes you under his wing, it's like you're automatically accepted into the club.
EPHRAM: But it has nothing to do with me. He just likes me because of my dad.
WENDELL: Who cares why he likes you? Nepotism is a beautiful thing, E. Embrace it.
EPHRAM: Don't ever call me "E" again.
DUDE #2: Hey, E.
[Cut to another rehearsal at the opera house.]
DR. BROWN: I already have a plan. [beat] You are part of the plan. [beat] What is good in western cultures...
EDNA: I could drive a train through those gaps, Brown. Speed it up.
DR. BROWN: What is good in western culture... I....... already have a plan.....
DR. ABBOTT: Already I bring printing press here for printing.
DR. BROWN: What he said.
BRENDA: Yes, I know Your Majesty but there's the...
EDNA: CUT!
DR. BROWN: Edna, if I could stay on book just a little while longer I'll...
EDNA: Where the HELL is my stage manager? How long does it take for a latte run!?
DR. ABBOTT: [whispering to Alice] Perhaps he fled the country.
ALICE: [giggling] Wise man.
EDNA: From the top, FASTER!
[Dr. Brown and Brenda read this scene very fast.]
DR. BROWN: You are school teacher?
BRENDA: Yes, Your Majesty, when do I start my work?
DR. BROWN: I will tell you when I wish you to start.
BRENDA: OK but does it matter we must settle... oh this is ridiculous, they don't talk this fast on West Wing.
EDNA: Alright, that does it. Drop and give me twenty.
BRENDA: Oh not again.
EDNA: Hit the deck, Baxworth!
ALICE: I miss Evelyn.
EDNA: You say something, Alice?
ALICE: [jumping up, scared] SIR, NO SIR!
DR. ABBOTT: For heaven's sake, Mother. This is a theater not a battlefield. And there are ways to address an actor during the rehearsal process. Even a god awful actor like Dr. Brown deserves encouragement.
[Dr. Brown nods to agree until he realizes.]
DR. ABBOTT: Directing requires precision and creativity, inspiration and heart. Evelyn Rauser possesses all of those qualities.
ALICE: And she's nice to us.
BRENDA: And she doesn't make us do push ups.
DR. BROWN: I've got an idea... cue cards!
DR. ABBOTT: Mother, we're fed up. This is not boot camp. We do not want to be treated like we're...
[Edna whistles.]
EDNA: Alright, everybody, listen up! Either we do this my way or not at all. Anyone who doesn't like it can leave right now.
BRENDA: I'm outta here.
DR. ABBOTT: [leaving] Good luck, Mother.
[Everyone else is shuffling out.]
DR. BROWN: Listen, Edna...
EDNA: Forget it, Doc. Leave me alone.
[Cut to County High. It's gym class which apparently seems to be not coed. It's only boys and amongst them, there is Bright and Ephram.]
COACH: Let's get a game going. Bright and Ted, you're captains. Ted, you're first.
TED: Dana.
BRIGHT: Ephram Brown.
[Ephram didn't notice.]
BRIGHT: Ephram? Dude, I picked you.
EPHRAM: Why?
COACH: Move it, Ephram. Come on.
TED: Todd.
[Ephram walks over to Bright.]
EPHRAM: What are you doing?
BRIGHT: Picking my team. [pointing] Alex.
EPHRAM: But you hate me.
BRIGHT: No, I don't. I like you. [picking] Curt.
EPHRAM: Since when?
BRIGHT: I've always been fond of you, I'm just... I'm shy, you know. [choosing] Al.
EPHRAM: Alright, name one thing you like about me.
BRIGHT: Just one? How about a thousand?
TED: Paul.
BRIGHT: (CONT'D) You're... sensitive, you're extremely clean... [points to another guy]
EPHRAM: Look. Alright, Bright. I know you hate me, alright, and I'm fine with it. It means the planets are aligned so let's not mess with the universe, OK?
BRIGHT: Do you wanna pick the next guy?
[Cut to the opera house. The curtain raises on Delia. The house is full.]
DELIA: [singing] Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect. And whistle a happy tune so no one will suspect.
[People in the crowd start yelling at her to be louder. Delia is petrified and tries to whistle but can't.]
AUDIENCE MEMBER: That's not whistling, that's blowing.
[People are booing her. The curtain falls and knocks her down. She jumps awake in bed.]
DELIA: Yeah, I don't think so.
[Cut to Evelyn's home. Dr. Brown is knocking on the door. She answers.]
EVELYN: Dr. Brown. I wasn't expecting to see you again till Friday. Come in.
[Cut to inside.]
EVELYN: Would you like some tea, Doctor? I'm having some.
DR. BROWN: No. No thanks. I was just checking in. Wondering how everything went with the Mayo clinic.
EVELYN: Well, I'm going to Minnesota next Monday. I appreciate all your string pulling.
DR. BROWN: I'm happy to help. It feels as though I haven't done enough these past few weeks.
EVELYN: What more could you do? So what are you *really* here for? Are you still having trouble with your lines?
DR. BROWN: I think you should tell them, Evelyn. These people care about you. If they knew what you were going through, I think that they would...
EVELYN: Do what? That they'd all come toddling by with their tins of baked goods? No thank you. I prefer my solitude, there's a certain dignity to it. Don't you agree?
DR. BROWN: No, I don't. There's no reason why you'd have to go through something like this alone. Especially when it's so unnecessary. Listen, I have seen people in your position who have had no friends and family who are forced to go through the pain and the loneliness of sickness but you are choosing it and I don't understand that. It's OK to let them see that you're human.
EVELYN: Excuse me?
DR. BROWN: Look, I know what it's like. People think of you as this god and they worship you to the point where they turn you into something that you, you can't really ever be, that you shouldn't have to be. You don't have to be perfect, Evelyn. You can be sick, they'll still love you. In fact, they'll probably love you even more for it.
EVELYN: I appreciate the sentiment, Doctor, but these people need me to be their hero and I love playing the role. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the adoration of the masses but I do. Where's the harm? In the end, everybody gets what they want.
DR. BROWN: What if you don't get better? Then what?
EVELYN: Then everybody will get what they've always had, an idea of me.
DR. BROWN: Well, Edna is your friend. And she's working her ass off right now trying to be you. When she has no idea that it's all smoke and mirrors. Is that fair?
EVELYN: There are lots of things in life that aren't fair, darling. And you of all people should know that.
[Dr. Brown is caught.]
[Cut back to County High. Ephram is about to bike home. Colin stops him.]
COLIN: Hey, Ephram. D'you want a ride?
EPHRAM: Ah, no, I'm OK. I'm just gonna ride my bike.
COLIN: We can put it in the back, man. Just hop in.
EPHRAM: Nah, I'm fine. Really.
AMY: Maybe he wants to ride his bike, Colin.
COLIN: Why would he wanna do that? Come on, we can make room. Maybe Amy can sit in my lap.
[He reaches for Ephram's bike.]
EPHRAM: Look, I don't need a ride, OK? I don't need to be sitting at your tables or playing on your teams or any of it.
BRIGHT: Dude, what is your problem?
EPHRAM: You're my problem, dude. [to Colin] Look, my dad helped you. If you wanna thank him, be my guest. But I had nothing to do with it so you can just leave me the hell alone. Believe it or not, I have no interest in being your charity case.
COLIN: It's not like that, man.
EPHRAM: Yeah it is. Trust me. You and I, we have nothing in common. And if you want, we'll just go back to the way it was. You all ignore me and I'll be more than happy to do the same, OK? [to Amy] To all of you.
[He walks away.]
BRIGHT: I've been trying to tell you man, he's a wack job.
[Colin gets into the truck. Amy watches Ephram ride off and feels guilty.]
BRIGHT: Amy, get in the truck.
[She complies.]
{END OF ACT THREE / COMMERCIAL BREAK}
{ACT FOUR}
[Cut to a bar. Edna is sitting alone, pouring herself a drink. Evelyn finds her.]
EVELYN: I don't suppose you serve margaritas?
EDNA: Evelyn?
EVELYN: I'll have what she's having, please?
EDNA: I thought you were in New York. Your note said you had gone...
EVELYN: About the note. It's full of bull. I'm a fantastic liar.
EDNA: Well the jokes on you 'cause as it turns out, I'm a lousy director. I single handedly ruined your musical.
EVELYN: I'm sure it's safe to assume that you did not single handedly ruin anything. In fact, I'm certain you had help in the destruction of Siam.
EDNA: The truth is, I tried. I just couldn't do it. I'm not you, Evelyn.
EVELYN: No. No, you most certainly are not. You're better. You're real, Edna. Real people make mistakes. They fall down on the world and they pick themselves up. Bloodied knees and all.
EDNA: I just wanted it to be perfect, you know?
EVELYN: I didn't pick you to direct my play because I thought you were gonna be perfect. In fact I chose you because I knew you wouldn't be. And that you wouldn't let it stop you. I heard I made a teeny tiny casting faux pas.
EDNA: Oh boy. You wouldn't mind if I...
EVELYN: Darling, the play is yours. Do with it what you wish.
[She pours herself a drink.]
EDNA: You probably shouldn't drink that.
EVELYN: Well, nobody's perfect.
[They hug.]
[Cut to Delia's bedroom. Dr. Brown is examining her.]
DR. BROWN: Well... it looks normal to me, sweetheart. What exactly is it that's bothering you? Is it a sore throat, tummyache?
DELIA: Let's see, I've been having hot flashes, insomnia and osterosis.
DR. BROWN: Mmm, that does sound serious.
DELIA: I thought so too and it might even be contagious. I probably shouldn't be around people for a while.
DR. BROWN: Well, menopause isn't usually contagious, honey but then again it's rare for it to occur in nine year old girls.
DELIA: I guess there's a first time for everything.
DR. BROWN: Well, I guess we'll have to get you to a hospital. Take some blood tests, run a few CAT scans.
DELIA: Blood tests? Like with needles?
DR. BROWN: Oh yeah, big ones.
DELIA: Dad, maybe I don't have menopause.
DR. BROWN: Oh really? Something else then?
DELIA: Maybe I just don't wanna do the play anymore.
DR. BROWN: Why, sweetheart?
DELIA: Well, what if I stink? Then all those people will boo at me.
DR. BROWN: Honey, if they're gonna boo at anybody, it's gonna be at the guy who can't remember his lines. Trust me, you're not gonna stink.
DELIA: Well, maybe I won't stink as bad as you, but even still, I could forget everything, even how to sing.
DR. BROWN: Do you remember when Uncle Brian was here? And I had to do brain surgery again and I hadn't done it in a long time? I was scared.
DELIA: You were?
DR. BROWN: I was terrified. I thought I was gonna forget how to do everything. I woke up that morning and I thought, there's no way. I can't do this.
DELIA: You seemed OK to me.
DR. BROWN: Yeah, well that's what I wanted you to think. But I was faking. I pretended I was OK when deep down I was really afraid. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital room doing brain surgery. And you know what? I got so good at pretending to be fine, that I actually was. It's called fake it till you make it.
DELIA: Like my song says.
DR. BROWN: What song?
DELIA: In the play.
DR. BROWN: Oh yeah.
DELIA: Fake it till you make it. I could do that.
DR. BROWN: I know you can. Your mom would be so proud of you.
DELIA: Really?
DR. BROWN: Really.
[He kisses her goodnight.]
DR. BROWN: Goodnight, sweetheart.
DELIA: Goodnight, Dad.
DR. BROWN: Do you really think I'm gonna stink?
[Cut to County High. Ephram is at his locker. Colin approaches.]
COLIN: Can I talk to you for a second?
EPHRAM: I thought we already finished this.
COLIN: Not exactly.
[Ephram walks away.]
COLIN: I lied to you, Ephram.
[Ephram stops.]
COLIN: I acted like the reason I was gonna be your friend was because of your dad but it's not. It's something else.
EPHRAM: Alright. Let's hear it.
COLIN: I don't know you. But more importantly, you don't know me. You're the only person in this school who doesn't expect me to remember them or expect me to be this guy that I don't even know who he was. You know, I'm trying to please all these people but it's wearing me out, man.
EPHRAM: I can understand that.
COLIN: But you see it's different with you because you don't have any expectations. And I don't have to feel guilty for not knowing you. You see in a way, I mean we're both kinda new. And you look about as out of place as I feel which is probably why I approached you. What I don't get is why you don't like me.
EPHRAM: Who said I didn't like you?
COLIN: It's obvious you don't like hanging around me. Is there a reason?
[Ephram looks behind Colin and spots Amy walking down the hallway. She spots him too and looks nervous.]
EPHRAM: No. No reason. We're cool.
COLIN: Cool.
EPHRAM: So let's talk about this "E" thing. Who came up with that?
COLIN: Probably Bright.
[Amy nervously watches the two walk off.]
[Cut to Mama Joy's. Edna walks in.]
EDNA: Hello everyone.
[Nobody says anything.]
EDNA: OK then.
[She walks up to Brenda.]
EDNA: You look nice today, Baxworth.
BRENDA: I do?
EDNA: [fallaciously] Yeah. Radiant.
BRENDA: Well, thank you, Edna.
EDNA: And, Alice?
ALICE: Sir, yes sir!
EDNA: You make a fine Tuptim. I like what you've done with the part. I should have told you that before. I'm sorry if I haven't been very...
BRENDA: Nice?
[Edna just stares at her.]
EDNA: Encouraging.
[She spins around to Delia.]
EDNA: PRIVATE! I don't think I have to tell you what great work you're doing. You really had me convinced you were a boy on that stage and it freaks me out.
DELIA: Thanks, Edna.
EDNA: And Dr. Brown?
DR. BROWN: [perky] Yes?
EDNA: You're fired.
DR. BROWN: I'm what?
EDNA: Executive decision had to be made. I'd appreciate it if you'd turn in your walking papers and exit without too much of a fuss.
[Dr. Abbott is sitting reading the paper with a smug grin on his face.]
DR. BROWN: But I was making so much progress.
EDNA: How many children does Your Majesty have?
DR. BROWN: Thirty... seven?
EDNA: JUNIOR?
DR. BROWN: ...SIX!
EDNA: [to Dr. Abbott] How do you feel about playing the King of Siam?
DR. ABBOTT: Who's offering?
EDNA: I am.
DR. ABBOTT: Mother, I don't know. Spielberg's heard of my work as the understudy. We're in talk.
EDNA: Come on, Junior! The play needs you.
[Everyone stares at him, waiting for his answer.]
DR. ABBOTT: Well, I suppose the show must go on. Wouldn't want to let down Everwood's theater going community.
EDNA: Alright people. Swallow that last bit of crumb cake. We've got a dress rehearsal to get on.
[They start pilling out.]
[Cut to the night of the production. Ephram and Dr. Brown are sitting in the audience looking at the program.]
EPHRAM: Delia was never in Romeo and Juliet. And she was not the little girl in Sleepless in Seattle. She wasn't even born when that movie came out.
DR. BROWN: If you're gonna dream, dream big.
[Colin approaches them.]
COLIN: Dr. Brown?
DR. BROWN: Hey, Colin. How are you feeling?
COLIN: Pretty good. Look, I know my parents probably sent you enough gift baskets to last a lifetime but um, I guess I just wanted to come over and thank you myself.
DR. BROWN: You just keep doing what you're doing, that's all the thanks I need.
COLIN: Hey, Ephram, do you wanna come sit with us? We saved a few extra seats.
EPHRAM: Ah, no. No thanks. I'm just gonna chill here with my dad.
COLIN: OK.
EPHRAM: Catch you later.
[Colin walks away.]
DR. BROWN: Are you two friends now?
EPHRAM: Kinda. Turns out we have some stuff in common.
DR. BROWN: You mean Amy?
EPHRAM: Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy.
DR. BROWN: So why don't you go sit with him?
EPHRAM: Because of Amy. So who's this Evelyn Rauser?
DR. BROWN: Why do you ask?
EPHRAM: Well, I don't know. The play's dedicated to her. Is she famous or something?
DR. BROWN: I guess you could say she's something of a legend around here.
EPHRAM: Is she the reason you got fired?
DR. BROWN: I did not get fired. I chose to step down from the role. Artistic differences.
EPHRAM: Dad? It's nice to know you're not awesome at everything.
[Dr. Brown smiles.]
[Cut to backstage. Delia rushes to peek through the curtain.]
EDNA: Alright troops, fall in!
DR. ABBOTT: She means form a line, morons.
EDNA: I'll make this brief because we've got civilians out there waiting to be entertained. You've all worked hard. You've worked long. You've struggled against formidable odds to get where you are tonight. I'll be proud to lead you into battle anytime, anyplace. That's all. Go get 'em soldiers!
[They clap.]
EDNA: And good luck.
DELIA: [to Brenda] I thought it was bad luck to say good luck.
BRENDA: It is. But let's not tell her that.
IRV: Places everybody.
[Back on the other side of the curtain, Evelyn enters through the back.]
NARRATOR: Evelyn Rauser had an expression for the few seconds before the curtain went up.
[The camera pans along the cast standing anxiously behind the curtain, waiting for it to go up.]
NARRATOR: She called it the holy time. But you don't have to be an actor to know how the holy time feels like. It's that breath you take just seconds before you become the person you were meant to become. For some people, it feels like forever. And for some, it's a moment over far too fast.
[The curtain rises.]
[Fade to black.]
{END OF ACT FOUR}
THE END
Comme chaque année, Evelyn, célébrité locale, revient à Everwood pour monter une pièce de théâtre : "le roi et moi". Elle convainc Andy de passer les auditions ainsi que Délia. Celui-ci a remarqué qu'Evelyne avait une leucémie : cause de son départ précipité d'Everwood. Edna, chargée d'assister Evelyn, se retrouve seule avec une troupe qu'elle a du mal à mettre en scène. 
